Merry Christmas

I wish you a hopeful Christmas

I wish you a brave New Year

All anguish pain and sadness

Leave your heart and let your road be clear

I can't decide

Michael's is having  a sale on yarn and I have a coupon for an extra 25% off your total purchase.

I went with the intention of getting some yarn for a scarf for one of my cousins.

I got to the store and was like "There's yarn.  Lots and lots of yarn."  I ended up calling said cousin to find out what the current favorite color was.  It's purple.  I have purple yarn at home.  Woot!  No spending money!

But I want yarn.  It's such a good coupon.

What am I going to make?  Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh.

Yeah.  I bought glue instead...

Today's Lesson

You can't bluff your way through anything all the time.
Keeping up to date with your field is a good idea.  Especially if you are unemployed.

Time of the Month

I hate this time of the month.
This time in my natural cycle.
Three days ago I was relatively happy.
Now I'm struggling not to burst into tears.
I can't have what I want and it is hard to bare...

I'm difficult to be around
I want to snap and snarl
yet I want to cling to someone

In the silence I hear a ticking
a ticking like a gong
So loud in my head

I cry for opportunities missed
I cry for time wasted
I cry for hope lost

My Food Looks Funny

Election Thoughts

I did what Obama supposedly said...vote for revenge.  I voted against every incumbent or 3rd party.

Have we come so far from trusting people and believing in the common good that when something happens, it is automatically fraud and not an honest mistake?  Seriously, the people working at the polls get 8ish hours in training and are brought in for the day.  I highly doubt it is fraud at the poll level.

If you know there is a problem with your registration...why are you waiting until the last minute, election day, to fix it???

SHJ Photography

Hello!

I've decided to start selling some of my photos.  I've opened up a shop on Etsy:  SHJ Photography.

Please stop on by.  Custom orders are available.

Thanks!

Stop and Stare

This morning, I hit 5 Catholic Churches looking for a specific stained glass window.

One Church is in such a great neighborhood it has to be locked between Sunday Masses.

The last Church I went into, I opened up the side door and all the parishoners paused in their praying and stared at me as I walked in.  It was creepy.  They continued on as I apparently didn't look all that out of place....

The Scariest Halloween Movie I Can Tolerate

Meltdown

I'm a little stressed.

I'm upset that I don't have anyone (or dog) to curl up to and snuggle with...it's all the more noticeable now that it is getting cold out.  But I can't cry about that...

I'm upset that I don't have a job.  It is looking gruesome for finding a job that relates to my education level.  I feel like my academic dreams are crashing around me and I'll be stuck moppin' floors.  Can't have a breakdown about that...

I'm running out of $$ but I'm too rich for food stamps.  Can't cry about that.  Actually that's worth snark ...

On Wednesday morning, I got up really early and convinced Photo Buddy to go with me to Shaw's Garden to take pictures of fall leaves in the sunrise.  Stupid clouds.  It was supposed to be clear.  It was a great day and I had lots of fun.  Later on that evening, I look at my images.  Horrid.  They are just wrong.  Composition is off.  Camera shake is present.  Exposure isn't great.  I burst into tears and start bawling.  Poor Photo Buddy had to listen to me wail about how I should just delete all my images and sell my camera.

My priorities.  They are so in order.

Wasted

Over the last couple days, it has gradually become clear that I have wasted the last 6 years of my life.

wasted.  absolutely wasted.

Had I known that getting a PhD was not going to improve my prospects of employment, I wouldn't have done it.

I don't need a PhD to sweep floors or stock shelves, becuase that is what it looks like I'll be doing.

Go Cards!

I'm all for cheering the Cards.  This might be a little much though....

This would be the fountain at Missouri Botanical Garden.

Izzy's hat!

Izzy's hat!

It's done using an e-wrap stitch.  When you stretch it out, the hat is very loosely woven.

Apple Pie!

The best part about October is the warm sunny days.  Sunny days that are perfect for apple picking!  I managed to convince Adventure Buddy to come with me.  He's tall (great for reaching apples) and he's strong (great for carrying bags of said apples :D )  To thank him for carrying all the apples, I made an apple pie for him.

Rings of Apple

Apple Machine

It peels, it cores, it slices!

SOOOO much faster when you are doing pounds of apples

The apples don't seem to fit....

In the oven

mmmmm

Adventure Buddy has reported in.  The pie is yummy!

Knitted Hat!

I have finally learned how to knit.  I'm not using needles...I'm using a loom.  It's totally awesome and I pity anyone I know cause they are getting knitted gifts for Christmas.

My first hat!

It's made using a basic knit stitch.

Overlook at Night

In the Ozarks...night is really dark if there is no moon. I went on an adventure with Adventure Buddy on Friday. As he is tallish, my car is uncomfy for him after awhile so we have to stop every so often. So while he was stretching...I set up this shot. And by setting up I just aimed the camera.

This is the uncorrected/unprocessed image.

This is the image corrected for brightness and stuff. I like the upper right corner the best. That blue/purple/pink mishmash.

Talkin' About a Revolution...

Marriage

Had I gone to Mass this morning, I would have heard a Gospel about marriage and perhaps a homily about marriage, like this one.  Frankly, given the homilies I've heard in the last 3 years I doubt it but miracles never cease.

Last night, I watched "How to Make an American Quilt"  In this movie, marriage takes a beating.  Couples are unfaithful; marriages are only happening because of unplanned pregnancies and of course there is snarky dialogue about how unnatural marriage is.

It's interesting that the subject of marriage is on my mind.  My aunt has suggested to me that the solution to my unemployment problem is to marry a rich man.  There have been some interesting marital dynamics I've observed recently.

I've pretty much lost all hope that I'll ever get married.  Not sure how to go out and meet men which is the primary problem.

But I'm also realizing the pool of potential partners is rapidly shrinking.

I'm not sure why I'm thinking about this.  I never wanted to get married when I was younger.  I thought men were unnecessary.  However, after going to a swamp in the middle of the night and clammering around on rocky trails I've realized guys are pretty handy to have around.  They are certainly less catty.

I don't know.  I keep thinking of the line for the Dawes song...I just want someone to make the days move easy.

Sunday Ritual

For the last 3 years, I've gotten up early on Sunday and driven somewhere for Mass.  In the evening, I would write up my experience at Mass and post some pictures.

I finished last week.  I also decided to stop going to Mass.

Today was the first Sunday I didn't go to Mass in 3 years.

It's been very odd.  I'm at a loss of what to do with myself.

The ritual is over and I need a new one to take its place.

I just want someone to make the days move easy

Wearing PJs all day

I've pretty much worn pjs everyday since being laid off unless Adventure Buddy needs to be coaxed out of his cave and into the sunshine or fog or night or whatever.

I'm all mopey and depressed and have been sleeping later and later every day.  I'm also forgetting to shower.... :P

Then I had AN IDEA!

I'll get up!  I'll clean up!  I'll get dressed!  NO! I'll wear a DRESS!!!!  I'll "fix" my hair!  I'll wear nicish shoes!  I'll drag Adventure Buddy along!

We'll go to swankiest snobbiest bar in the are and sip martinis!  YES!  I'll feel better.

It was going so well.  Adventure Buddy and I went to lunch.  We went to Divine Liturgy!  (Side note:  dressing well paid off since I managed to attract attention to myself...)  Except neither Adventure Buddy or I got lots of sleep the night before.

Adventure Buddy wanted to nap.  I let him.  While he was napping I tried to nap.  Except I couldn't.

Because I wasn't distracted enough, I started thinking.  and then I started crying.

Eventually we went out for martinis but I was so upset and stressed and trying not to cry that I was just not myself.

Is big dork.

Yeah.  Best laid plans of mice and men and all that.

Job Interview

I had a job interview.

It went really well.  Then I was asked to balance a chemical equation.

Yeah.

Did I mention I have a physics and an education degree?

Yeah.

What I did on Friday Night

See the pictures!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46157142@N05/sets/72157631553581297/

Road Trips and Lonliness

Had I not lost my job, I'd be somewhere in Oregon right now.  I'd be taking pictures of waterfalls and lighthouses.

Sadly, I lost my job and am not in Oregon or anywhere near Oregon.

Yesterday I went on a mini-road trip of sorts.  I tried to entice Adventure Buddy to go along but he did not want to go.  So I went alone.

It was alright.  As I was driving, I reflected on why I was so meh about the whole thing.

I was alone.  There was no one to talk with in the car.  There was no one to talk with at the different places.  No one to share my experiences with.  No one to get lost with.

Why bother going anywhere?

I wonder how one gets into 1 of these trades

http://www.mikeroweworks.com/2012/09/the-first-four-years-are-the-hardest/

Right on!
Right now, I have 4 degrees and no job.  I really wish I'd have learned a trade instead.

I wish I was pretty.

I am so ugly inside and out.

has just realized

I have tons of clothes to go crawling around in the dirt taking pictures or hiking all over the wilderness.

I have some clothes that are appropriate to wear to work.

I have no clothes to go clubbing with or wherever one goes to get a mate.

And few of the clothes I own actually fit me correctly.

Everyone wants me to lose weight...but no one is volunteering to buy me clothes.

sigh.

Julia & Julia

I just finished watching Julia and Julia while baking persimmon bread.  Everytime I see that movie, I'm tempted to grab a cookbook and make every single recipie in it.

Actually, there are 2 cookbooks I've made a great many recipies in.  The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Cookbook (love! love!)  and the Best Muffins & Quick Breads.

I always think it would be neat to learn French cooking.  However I don't have nearly enough equipment.  I don't know if I could bone a duck let alone a chicken.

I was watching the movie going how can she afford to cook all that food?

Maybe I could just master the art of French deserts. ;)

I'd need the book though...

SNAKE!

The scene is a National Wildlife Refuge on the Mississippi River.  Two photographers are hiking on an abandoned road to river.

Me:  (abruptly stopping) It's a snake!
Photo Buddy:  It's a big caterpillar.
Me:  It's a snake!
Photo Buddy:  I'll pick it up!
Me:  What kind is it?  I'm not sucking venom out of you...

Isn't it just the cutest little...

Photo Buddy:  You want to pet it?

Me:  (as manly as possible) no, I'm good. 

Sometime later:

Me:  (screeching halt)  Is that a snake?  or is it a stick?

Photo Buddy:  It's a snake...but it's dead.  Look how flat it is.  

Me:  Uh.  Uh.

Photo Buddy:  I need a stick.  

Me:  You are going to poke it?  You are such a boy.  Use my tripod.

Photo Buddy:  (poke, poke) See...it's (poke) ACK! Wow!  It's alive it's fast.

Me:  (squashing girlie screams of fear) uh

Photo Buddy:  Did you get a picture?

Me: of course!

It was dark.  The snake was fast.

That's why the image is blurry.

Not like I was scared.  

UNIX

is good to know I am rusty on it.

I had to set up my aunt's new Mac.  For some bizarre reason, I either mistyped or miswrote down the administrator password.  I have a suspicion as to why...

This is a disaster because resetting the administrator password is not easy.  To reset it, I had to go the command line interface and delete stuff.  And I couldn't remember the right commands.  :P

Time to brush up I think.

My Dewey Decimal Number

Tina Fanetti's Dewey Decimal Section:
714 Water features
Tina Fanetti = 09416145009 = 094+161+450+09 = 714

Class:
700 Arts & Recreation

Contains:
Architecture, drawing, painting, music, sports.

What it says about you:
You're creative and fun, and you're good at motivating the people around you. You're attracted to things that are visually interesting. Other people might not always understand your taste or style, but it's yours.

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com

Creepy

I took Adventure Buddy to the Butterfly House.  Adventure Buddy always says courage is a virtue and you get virtue by doing virtuous things.  So if I want to be courageous, I have to do courageous things.

At the Butterfly House, you now have the opportunity to feed roaches.  They stay in their cage by the way.  There are hundreds of them in the cage.  You just drop the flakes into the cage.  Then they swarm and make chittering, creepy bug noises.

Ugh.

I'm not feeling courageous.  I'm feeling the need to wash with bleach.

Depressed

I was reading this article about a woman who was depressed.  I found myself nodding along.

I'm having a hard time getting out of bed now.  I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons to get out of bed or to stay out of bed.  It's what I miss about having a dog.  I had to get up or I wasn't going to like what happened next.  The smell of dog pee doesn't really help the depressed state.  Especially when you know if you don't take said puppy out, you'll have lots more work you don't want to deal with.  Or, if you have irritability issues, know that you will most likely yell at said puppy for your laziness.  Better just to get out of bed and take puppy outside.

I'm almost positive now I'm suffering from PMDD, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

Last week was the perfect example.

On Monday, I went to the doctor, who told me there was nothing wrong with me that losing weight won't cure.  Normally I just roll my eyes.  That day, I just cried all day and I was irrational.  I was quarrelsome as well.  It was just awful.  I was like stop being crazy and I like couldn't stop.  By Wednesday I had stopped crying all the time but was still unhappy.  I started my period on Friday and was fine.  

I'm wondering now if that's what the problem has been all along...

My Fortune

I've been cleaning off the desk my family's computer sits on.  It was thoroughly disgusting and I have nothing better to do....

I found a stack of fortunes from fortune cookies.  I thought I'd post them...

You will win success in whatever you attempt.

You will have many friends when you need them.

Your first choice will bet the wisest to follow at this time.

You will soon get something special because of your charm.

Others love your dramatic side.  

You will be unusually successful in an entertainment career.

Your present plans are going to succeed.

This Offends Me

I can't decide what's wrong with this image. The focus is a bit off, but I didn't take any more pictures of it to correct focus. The image is wrong somehow.

Which Crop?

I can't decide...
Should I crop the image or not?

This is the crop with the focus on the petal with water drops.

This is the full image.

Should I crop somewhere else?

Money (That's What I Want)

Peach Pie

I was at a Farmer's Market and was able to get some bruised peaches on the cheap.  There's only one thing to do with bruised peaches...make peach pie!

Health, Wealth and Happiness

The people I used to work with graciously got me a birthday cake...

I've never had health, wealth and happiness as a birthday wish...

is a hater.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you probably are familiar with controversy over Chick-fil-a.

I have a wide variety of facebook friends and I think my facebook experience and life in general is all the richer for it.  Life is pretty boring and unchallenging if you are only surrounded by people who think and feel as you do.

Yesterday, I lost one of my facebook friends, a former classmate.  On the surface, we seem radically different but I suspect we are more alike than realized.

Yesterday there was a post about how those that support Chick Fil A are on the wrong side of love.  I posted about how it had nothing to do with love and everything to do with being able to express opinions and potentially having businesses barred.  I was informed I was wrong.  When I asked why I was told that I was not fully informed and it was too much trouble to catch me up.  Furthermore I was being a bully.  I apologized as it was not my intention to be bullying.  Then I was told to suck it.

Civilized debate no longer exists.

All I can think about is the Catholic Church.  I'm not necessarily a big fan of it.  However, I've never had anyone in the Catholic Church tell me I was not fully informed and then refuse to explain to me because it was too much trouble or I was too far behind.  I'm thinking of a specific instance where I misunderstood a Church teaching and Fr. B spent an hour explaining it to me so that I could understand.  I think of my social media contacts in the Church who patiently explain or answer questions.  Sure they tell me I don't get it, but they usually explain why they think I don't get it.

I do notice a difference in the quality of the arguments.  I see lots of emotional ploys and current statistics to sway people to this issue.  I've never liked doing the popular thing.  EVER.  Case in point:  this article.  I happen to know gay couples who have divorced rather quickly as well.  My favorite is the gay couple I knew that got married even though they had ceased to love each other.  They believed marriage would fix all that.  They separated 6 months later.  Oh the irony.  The other one I like is that the couples seem so happy.  How could we deny them?  Easy.  We deny many things in the country that people think they need to be happy.

In contrast, my Catholic friends, if you ask them a question about Faith and Morals, you are likely to be referenced to this document, this document, or this argument or what have you.  No kissing pictures necessary.

For me it is not really about whether homosexuals can marry each other legally.  Sure they have as much right to be stuck in miserable marriages just like everyone else.  I am leery of messing around with an institution that has been around in some recognizable form since the dawn of civilization.  Why can't other legal means be tried first? I understand the whole bit about emergency rooms and all that.  I've lied to keep my best friend in the ER with me.  I am leery about what this means for the Catholic Church.  I don't think some people will be satisfied until they see homosexual couples kissing at the altar.

Here's the other thing, I don't think marriage is a right like we understand other rights.  I think of the Catholic Church.  There are all sorts of conditions to exercise your right to get married in the Church.  If you don't meet those conditions, you don't have the right to get married.  If the priest don't agree, you ain't gettin' married.

Perhaps this has fundamentally skewed my understanding of marriage.

I don't know.  I do know calling me a bully does not succeed in changing my mind towards your way of thinking.

HA

It's hard to make friends when you're old.

Duh

Disconnected

I feel so disconnected.
Disconnected from others.
From life
from reality.

I could float away as there is nothing holding me.

When

did science and atheism become the same thing?  Or that you had to be an atheist to be a scientist?

Frozen

I'm losing my job on August 10.  I have no prospects for afters.  I've applied for a few and have a couple more applications to send out.

A social media friend has been harassing me about finding a job for the last month.

Every time I start thinking about a new job waves of panic hit me and I'm frozen with indecision.

I don't know what I want to do.  Should I try an academic job, a non-profit, or give it up and go into corporate America?

I don't know where to live.  Do I look for local jobs or do I move away.  I'd like to move far away but I have a very thin support structure as it is.  I'd have nothing if I'd move away.  But if I stay, there may not be any jobs.  My parents are getting older.  I should be responsible and stay and help them.

I think about the jobs I've had and how I've wrecked every one in some way.

All of this going on while trying to write letters selling myself and I just freak out and retreat.

Not a Whirlwind of Despair

Normally, when I read the blog Seraphic Singles I am thrown into a whirlwind of despair.  It seems I've done everything wrong and that's why I'm still single with no prospects.

This morning's post was different.  For some reason, this morning's post made me feel hopeful.

No idea why.  But it is such a remarkable feeling I thought I'd remark on it.

Movie Fest

I have plans to cope with my first Monday of being unemployed by watching movies and drinking wine.  I need movie suggestions though...

Lost

Movie Buddy loves the TV show Lost.  It's alright I guess.  I'm rooting for the dog.

Anyway, one of the characters seems very aimless in the beginning.  He then gets it together.  When asked he's like I have PURPOSE now.  I had no PURPOSE before, but I have it now.

I'm intrigued by this.  I think about my own life.  I think that is why I've been so sad lately.

I have no purpose.  My life has no meaning.

And I haven't the foggiest idea on how to get it.

Needs

a vacation.

Not a stay-cation either.

I need a beach.  I need to lie on a beach doing absolutely nothing and freaking out cause I'm not doing anything.

My Next Position

So, I'm facing unemployment in the next month.
Everyone asks me what I'm going to do.  Where I'm going to get a job.  What my plans are.
I know they are trying to be nice but it is driving me nuts.
So now when they ask, I tell them the truth:  the unemployment office :p

Scenes from the Dentist

Hygenist:  Have you been flossing?
Me:  Do you really want me to answer that?
Hygenist:  Yes.
Me:  Thinks you already know the answer.

Me:  My teeth look like feet.
Dentist:  Everyone says that.  I see teeth.
Me:  You are a dentist.

Dentist:  (He's picked up my iPad...) Taize?  You listen to that??!!
Me:  Yeah well it was supposed to help calm me down while writing my dissertation.
Dentist:  Did it?
Me:  Not really.
Dentist:  What worked?
Me:  Rum.

Hygenist; (Very excited) Don't you just love coming here?
Me:  (deadpan) Not really.

Dentist:  (laughing at his own joke)  I'm so funny!
Me:  How much laughing gas have you had?  You need to cut back dude.

Summer

is not going how I had hoped.

I was supposed to be planning a trip to the beach, not the unemployment office.

I was supposed to chillax not scramble to get in every single doctor visit before my health insurance ends.

I'm supposed to be exercising and losing weight.  I'm too stressed to eat.

I'm supposed to be going out on adventures.  Except it's too hot and now money is starting to be a concern.

This isn't how I hoped summer would go.

Nightmare

is back.

I am riding in an open top Land Rover through the African savannah.  The wind is blowing.  There is a guitar and a huge rifle in the back seat.  It smells clean and fresh.  I am laughing.

The wind changes.  The smell changes to something faintly sickly sweet.  There is a tree in the distance.  It looks wrong.

We get closer.  I see black cloth on the tree.

Lord Have Mercy

We get close enough to see the tree.  There are things hanging from the branches.  As we get closer, I scream.  There are 12 priests hanging from the branches.  Swaying in the breeze.  From the looks of the cassocks, they are Jesuits.  Sometimes in the dream they are beaten; other times they have the faces of angels, dead angels.

My guide drives the Jeep under the tree and we cut them down.  There is no where to go with them.  We decide to bury them.  I have Holy Water.  I sprinkle it on the soon to be graves.

My guide begins to dig.  He digs with an efficiency that he has done this thousands upon thousands of times.

Christ Have Mercy

I wash the priests and prepare them for burial as best I can.  There are sheets in the jeep.  I wrap them in the sheets.

As we work, we sing and chant Lamentations and the Office of the Dead.  I do not know what these are in real life, but in the dream, I know them all.  We chant the Litany of the Saints except all the saints are marytrs.

It is hot.  There is a sense of urgency.

We bury them.  I am sad they are not getting proper funerals but yet I am detatched.

Lord Have Mercy

I mistakenly told someone this dream.  She indicated that this was indicative of my anger with the Catholic Church and that I had 12 months to make a change.

But I am not convinced.  There was nothing in that field, that savannah to indicate that it was actually in Africa.  It could easily be the Kansas or Illinois prairies.

I wonder if I'm dreaming of things to come.

I am chilled to the bone thinking of it.

Wonders

how I'm supposed to lose weight via exercise when it is 100 out?

Especially since I've managed to get sick from the heat 3x this summer....

What Dreams May Come

I've noticed over the past few months that I've been dreaming a great deal about me.  In the past, I would never dream about myself.  Well, maybe I did, but I certainly didn't remember it.

This morning, I wasn't feeling well so I ended up taking an afternoon nap.  And had a very vivid dream.

The dream started out at my wedding.  It was a very small wedding.  I don't remember much of that part of the dream except I bowed to my husband's wishes.  There was colored light which makes me think it was in a Catholic Church of some sort.

The wedding reception was outside.  I don't remember much of that either, except it was very green.  And I danced with my husband.  Which isn't very logical given it was outside and there was grass but it was a dream.

The honeymoon was camping.  I vaguely remember smelling salt so we must have gone to the ocean.

Then I moved into his house which was our house now.  And we had a long discussion about my quilting room.  I wanted it in his office or at least on the same floor as his office but he insisted there was no room.  And then I was like well your office is going to have to move anyway and he was like why?  it's my office!  And I responded well your office is going to be the baby's room.  He moved his office that day.

OH!  How could I forget!  When we got back from the honeymoon, my husband gave me my wedding present:  a basset hound named Petey.

I remember lots of warmth and feelings of safety.

And then my sister woke me up with cold hands.

The annoying thing is I did not see what my husband looked like or if I even knew him.  Highly annoying given I feel like I'm running out time.  Nor did I see what the baby looked like.  Baby had a lovely bright colored puppy quilt.

These dreams are so lovely yet so heartbreaking.  I can't even put into words why.

Tie Dye Has Always Been Cool

I was at St. Joseph when Mass Buddy directed my attention to this window...

His head wrap is tie-dye!!!

AWESOME!

What a wonderful world...

the original

A not too bad hybrid

If only I knew

I have been asked if I am doing God's Will.

I can't answer the question.  I don't know what God's Will is for me.

I have the sinking suspicion I am not however.

Show Me How To Live

"You gave me life, now show me how to live"

Inspired by a discussion on God and why He made me.

Yeah, just guess where I fall...

I find the timing of this rather hysterical given conversations I've recently had....

States of Drunkenness

Drinking Buddy and I went to Happy Hour last night.  We had an ulterior motive, Photo Buddy's picture was on the wall in the place (very very nice) and we wanted to see it.

The purpose of Happy Hour of course is to get cheap drinks and cheap food.  I'm sure that's not the real reason but that's what I think so there you have it.

I've only been drinking for roughly 2 years.  I blame my last semester of doctoral coursework.  I specifically blame discourse analysis.  Lovely course; I learned a great deal.  It just drove me to drink.  Which is really saying something considering I was in doctoral studies in physics.  You know, come to think of it, drinking might have made that go better.  Alas, I was a different person then.

So what happens when I drink?  It doesn't take me very much to get buzzed and then drunk.  A bottle of hard cider will get me seriously buzzed, usually by drinking half of it.  Two rum and cokes and I'm ready to dance on tables.

Here's how it usually progresses:

1. Giggling.  Not just any giggling, giggling with some deep breathing issues.  Almost like snorting but ladies don't snort.  Ladies also don't drink in excess but that's another post.
2. Crazy Idea stage.  Can overlap with giggling.  Starts having crazy ideas or think other people's crazy ideas are awesome.  
3. Snuggling.  I just want to curl up with someone and rest my head on a chest and be all cuddly.
4. Anxious.  Sometimes I just start at this stage.  I was in the Apple Store and there were all these people and they were so close and I had to run away.  The best is when Drinking Buddy leaves to go to the restroom.  If he's gone more than 2 minutes I start freaking out.  
5. Sobriety.  A sad state of affairs.
6. Very Very Hyper!!

So there you have it.  Of course there is the usual slurring of words (starts between 1 and 2) and the room spinning and rocking.  

I do usually stop when my stomach starts rebelling BTW.

Stuck

There is a job that I think I'm a good fit for open in Colorado.  The application requires the standard CV and cover letter.  It also requires:

• A statement of my philosophy of science education.
• My most interesting research experience.

Needless to say, I'm dragging my feet.  I just don't have a clue about what I need to write.  I do know I need to write it well and it needs to show the depth of my knowledge, which is rather shallow in some parts.

I suppose for the philosophy statement, I will need to go back over some of my old classwork.  I'm almost positive I've had to generate similar statements.  

When I get one of them done, I'll post them and you can ridicule them ;)

Study of Beached Canoe

I'm not sure which of these I like best. I took a bunch of pictures of this canoe from many angles. One problem is that for some reason I didn't plug in the remote shutter that lets me take photos with the shutter open for more than 30 seconds. So the images get very very dark very very fast. The other problem is that in the dark, it's hard to see the canoe to even take a picture of it. So I have lots of pictures with bits of the canoe missing.

Study of Lone Tree in Foggy Water Channel

I think this is my favorite...


This is the same image brightened. I think I like the darker image better. Seems creepier.


A different orientation


In the distance

When A Good Photo Goes Bad

I went out to the Garden to take pictures of the lotus blossoms.  I forgot my 70-300 mm telephoto, so I couldn't really get the nice blossoms far away.

Here's one:

The problem with this is that the blossom is nice but the image is too soft.  I think the focus was on a leaf that was slightly in front of it.  So what do you do with an image that is lovely, but not technically lovely?

That's when the awesome photoshop filters come in....

It's a light painting!  See can't tell it is blurry in this image...

This is the watercolor filter.  It's a little on the dark side but still...it's a nice effect.

Job Hunting

is rough when your self-esteem is in the basement.  How am I supposed to sell myself when I think I'm worthless?

Lotuses

if you want to see the lotuses....go here
http://snupsphotos.blogspot.com/2012/07/lotus-study.html

Awesome Day

I haven't posted much in the last few days because I haven't felt well.  Mostly I felt unwanted and unneeded.

But I had an awesome day today!

I got up early and took pictures of lotuses.  I then helped photobuddy with his latest book.  He fed me brunch.  I then got tater pancakes for later.  We watched movies and chillaxed.

Then we went swimming.  :)

Well the Recession Explains It!

I've been wondering why I've gotten girly lately.  I bought lipstick.  I bought a skirt.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

Luckily the good bloggers at Scientific American have explained it.  It's all about evolutionary psychology.  That's right.  I'm buying lipstick and skirts because the economy is bad.

Living with Parents

The Art of Manliness has a new article posted about moving back in with your parents.  It's good solid advice.

There is one piece of advice that I wish I had done from the get go.  I knew I had to but I didn't manage it.  It's redefine the relationship from vertical to horizontal.

Photography

The lotuses are blossoming at the local botanical garden.  I've been waiting for a while because I wanted to take pictures of them.

Today is the last moderately cool day.  The temperatures are supposed to be in triple digits for the foreseeable future.

Today the garden opens up 2 hours earlier, meaning I could theoretically go before work.

I was up.  In fact, lately, I've been getting up around 5 and then am in a hazy sleeping not sleeping state until I actually have to get up.

I just could not make myself get out of bed and go.  I was like whatever.

I just don't feel like taking pictures anymore.

Lack of Adventure

95+ degree temps and matching humidity.  Adventure involves finding AC.

Is hopeful that there will be adventure this weekend involving water.

Oh Monday

Awwww

I am amazed at how a compliment from a friend can completely change my mood.

Texts

The text mailbox on my phone only holds 525 messages. It's full right now so I'm having to delete messages. Some messages are easy to delete. Weather alerts for instance.

My box is still full so now I have delete messages from my best friend. I never know which ones to delete . Well ok the ones I text open your door can go but what about the ones that reassure me?

I already am sad when I think about his texts because I accidentally deleted the ones he told me I was awesome and that I could do it. I liked having them on my phone because when I felt bad I could go look at then and feel better .

Sometimes these are the only bright spots in a day.

Real

I don't think I'm real sometimes.  I'm a ghost; a spirit.  I can go days without physically speaking or interacting with people.  I go to events and I just drift along.  I fade in, I fade out.

If I'm not real and am a ghost, then that would explain how people don't seem to see me.

Shopping

Shopping for girl support structures with husband, boyfriend, SO or partner:  totally awesome. (I think...I'm just guessing...)
Shopping for girl support structures with girlfriends:  totally fun. (again...I'm just guessing based on TV/movies)
Shopping for girl support structures with mother:  totally not.

This episode brought to you by accidentally leaving your underthings in the dryer and having your mom find them.

I'm not exactly sure why my underthings are a crime...is not like anyone sees them....I'm not Madonna

For A Friend

Quote of the Day

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

 Eleanor Roosevelt

Snup's Moving Tip

I've moved many times.  Sometimes I've known way in advance I was moving.  Sometimes I had days.  Needless to say I have a couple tips.

• Don't just throw stuff in boxes.  Trust me on this.  
• Don't pack stuff that is dirty.  Because when the boxes start to smell...  And then there is the I packed my winter coat dirty and now it is 8 months later and freezing and it's all icky.
• Purge and donate.  Don't pack anything you don't actually use or want any more.  Why move it only to get rid of it when you unpack?  Save your back and save your boxes for stuff you want.
• And on that note, get rid of stuff that doesn't fit you.  If you lose weight, you'll be so happy you will go out and buy all new clothes. :)
• Label your boxes.  Stuff is not a label.  Office stuff is even more not a label.
• Pack like things together.  This may mean putting physics books in one box, and fiction books in another.  Label them physics books and fiction books.  Because when you suddenly get a job adjuncting in physics you will save your self effort in looking for the books while everything is chaotic.
• Prioritize.  I've never made a move where stuff didn't get left behind.  Twice it was because things wouldn't fit.  The boxes with all your important documents, your jewelry, things you would die without, be sure to put those in special boxes.  Put stickers on them.  PACK THEM FIRST!  At one place I left all the rubbermaid behind and I was like eh.  Another place I had to take stuff out of the truck and rearrange to get my clothes in the truck.
• Clean first, then pack.  There's nothing like tripping over stuff with moving boxes.  This also gives you the added benefit of giving you a better idea of how much stuff you really have.
• Luggage.  Boxes for clothes you are currently wearing.  That way you can find them fast because they will stick out.
• Rubbermaids:  good for corralling small stuff and then putting in large boxes. Then you can empty them and use them for food.
• EAT ALL YOUR FOOD or give it to a food pantry.
• If you have time, take it slow.  Do a little bit each day. Feelings of being overwhelmed quickly happen.  If it is a forced move, you will already be upset.
• If your stuff is going to be in separate places, make a list.  Not I put 6 boxes in a storage locker.  But: I put 6 boxes of Christmas decorations in the basement.  My table and tools are at the storage locker.  I have no idea where my pots and pans are at this point in time.  I hope they are safe....
• Pack stuff you won't need for awhile first.  If it's the middle of summer, pack up those Christmas decorations!  They should already be somewhat stored so it might go a bit faster.
• Don't make the boxes so heavy you can't pick them up and carry them to where ever you need.  You might have to hike those boxes up and down stairs or down a long hallway.
• Feed the people who help you.  Pizza and beer/soda are always good.
• Take breaks.  10 minutes won't make that big of a deal...but will help your back.
• Play music.  Groove.
• When in doubt, tape.  Lots and lots of tape.
• Sharpies are your friends.

They say

God answers your prayers.

Why then, does it seem, the answer for me is always no?

Game Quotes

Gaming Buddy:  You have to let me win.  The male ego is a fragile thing.  It's easily damaged.
Me:  I'm so putting that on the blog.

Me:  Man I suck!
Gaming Buddy:  I still respect and value you as a human being.
Me:  But not as a gamer...

The Boxer

Choosing Photos

Sometimes I take multiple photos of the same thing.  Usually it is to ensure one of them isn't blurry so the images are practically duplicates.  Other times, I move the camera slightly around.  Now I'm left with multiple images of the same subject that are slightly different.  I have to choose which one to use.  And I can't.  So here are the 4 images I took...see what you think.

Critique of Through the Gate

I took this picture

I love the concept of the photo. I really like natural framing as provided by the gate. It suggests something that was hidden but is now revealed or looking with a different perspective.
I'm not liking the execution of this photo though. The framing is too tight...cutting off the Chuli glass rays. The gate is too emphasized while the vase in the background is underemphasized. And there is some bizarre keystoning going on.
Here are the other two shots I took:

In this shot, the vase and the gate are equally emphasized. However, I didn't get all the Chuli glass in. And there's that keystoning.

In this one, I got all the glass, but not the gate. And there's that funky angle going on.
I'm not sure, which one is the best?

Drinking Dinos

Every meal deserves a beer....

Don't Touch

Uhm sure.

Although some of the art just scares me...

Lemon Meringue Pie

The lemon part.

It's a shortbread crust.

I knew I needed a $300 stand mixer.

Look at those stiff firm peaks!

Woot!

So my mom demanded I make a lemon meringue pie for Father's Day.  I said I would after Mass.  While I was at Mass, they went shopping and bought a lemon meringue pie.