I've decided I want to go to Oregon. Right now I'm in the planning stages. The first step in the planning stage is to figure out how much it is going to cost. Some things I can anticipate, like gas and food, and other things, not so much, broken car.
I'm playing with the gas numbers right now. According to Google Maps, the route I want to take is about 4,400 miles.
View Larger Map
Add in all the extra driving I want to do, and we will say it is about 5,000 miles.
Looking up the fuel economy for my car, it's 28 mpg. If I divide 5,000 miles by 28 mpg, I get that I would need 178.5 gallons of gas. Let's round that up to 180 gallons. WOW! I have a 13 gallon tank. wow. I did not know that. I'm too much of a chicken to let it get to E to find out. Let's just say I fill up at 11 gallons given I'll be out west and I hear gas stations are not on every corner. Oooo I didn't know I could go 328 miles on a tank. I start getting anxious at 260 miles and I can't breathe in the 270s...
I digress. 180 gallons divided by 11 gallons per tank. 16.4 tanks. Or 17 tanks. hmmmm.
Let's look at this another way. I need 180 gallons. Let's assume gas is $4 a gallon. That's $720 to just drive to there and back.
Goodbye McDonalds...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Not a good day
I have a couple of ideas for posts but I'm having a hard time concentrating.
I got scared before I went to sleep last night. That led me to wake up anxious and semi-panicky. I thought I nipped it in the bud this morning, but I still feel rather anxious.
And now I'm tired. And unfocused.
And I just want to be held. And there's no one to hold me.
wants a hug.
:(
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I can't remember...
the last time someone spontaneously said they loved me. Or said they loved me for no reason at all.
I've always been a big fan of action speaks louder than words, although, I will admit, actions can send mixed messages.
But I realized last night that sometimes, you just have to hear the words...
I've always been a big fan of action speaks louder than words, although, I will admit, actions can send mixed messages.
But I realized last night that sometimes, you just have to hear the words...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Nuns on the Frontier
An opinion piece about religious women who went to the American frontier came across my facebook feed this morning. Here's the article.
It's a bit slanted. First of all, it ignores the social context of the time period. I seem to recall women weren't to highly held in society at the time. Women, for the most part, could not own property and could not vote. Women had one option, marriage and kids. Catholic women had a second option, religious life.
Second, I don't recall stories of the frontier being all wine and roses. It was a hard life. The article fails to mention any of the hardships the lowly priests may have faced. I seem to recall hearing how the Jesuit novices were made to quarry the stone, tote the stone, and then build their seminary. I vaguely recall how the Jesuits were sent before the sisters. I seem to recall the North American Martyrs. Then you have the regular, normal life on the frontier problems. Indians, drought, famine, plagues of locusts, and all that other stuff. And then people just died of diseases.
The article fails to mention that both priests and sisters vow obedience to the bishop. I don't recall in religion class being told that liking what was in store for you was required. Isn't that the whole point of obedience? Doing stuff that you'd rather not do? If we only did stuff we wanted to do, obedience would be rather a cakewalk...
Where are the positive examples in this article? You mean to tell me that thousands of religious women were always treated poorly by the priests and bishops? That the life of a religious sister always sucked? How bad must life have been outside of being religious sister if you joined an organization knowing you were going to be treated like dirt?
It's a bit slanted. First of all, it ignores the social context of the time period. I seem to recall women weren't to highly held in society at the time. Women, for the most part, could not own property and could not vote. Women had one option, marriage and kids. Catholic women had a second option, religious life.
Second, I don't recall stories of the frontier being all wine and roses. It was a hard life. The article fails to mention any of the hardships the lowly priests may have faced. I seem to recall hearing how the Jesuit novices were made to quarry the stone, tote the stone, and then build their seminary. I vaguely recall how the Jesuits were sent before the sisters. I seem to recall the North American Martyrs. Then you have the regular, normal life on the frontier problems. Indians, drought, famine, plagues of locusts, and all that other stuff. And then people just died of diseases.
The article fails to mention that both priests and sisters vow obedience to the bishop. I don't recall in religion class being told that liking what was in store for you was required. Isn't that the whole point of obedience? Doing stuff that you'd rather not do? If we only did stuff we wanted to do, obedience would be rather a cakewalk...
Where are the positive examples in this article? You mean to tell me that thousands of religious women were always treated poorly by the priests and bishops? That the life of a religious sister always sucked? How bad must life have been outside of being religious sister if you joined an organization knowing you were going to be treated like dirt?
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Volunteering
Everyone says I should volunteer. Sure.
So I'm looking at different places. The first problem is that I work a full time job. Many places need volunteers the same hours I work. One place I'm actually too young for. That was shocking.
Another place asked me what kind of volunteer I was. They didn't have "I'm looking for a husband" option. :P
ah well
It's actually rather hard cause i don't know what I want to volunteer to do.
So I'm looking at different places. The first problem is that I work a full time job. Many places need volunteers the same hours I work. One place I'm actually too young for. That was shocking.
Another place asked me what kind of volunteer I was. They didn't have "I'm looking for a husband" option. :P
ah well
It's actually rather hard cause i don't know what I want to volunteer to do.
Uh
So I injured my ankle and had a reevaluation of the injury this morning. I had to fill out a questionnaire.
How has the injury impacted your sexual activity?
I'd say a lot... I'm so attractive with a big plastic clunky boot.
How has the injury impacted your sexual activity?
I'd say a lot... I'm so attractive with a big plastic clunky boot.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
checklist
Social Network Buddy was discussing his night out with two of his buddies. For some reason the topic of dating and marriage came up. One buddy said that finding a woman was to be done in a scientific, rational way. The other buddy said it was all up to chance. Social Network Buddy said that it was first and foremost about finding a woman of good character. (Well that leaves me out....I'm a character all right...)
I was pondering this and I thought...well I kind of have a mental checklist of what I want in a potential mate. What if I weighted the different categories? I mean there are some things that are non negotiable, like the potential mate can't be an alcoholic. The mate must like dogs. Basset hounds get extra points.
Wait. If I'm weighting stuff, I could just make one big equation! I could give it boundary conditions and initial conditions....or it could be that each term in the large equation is determined by a smaller less complicated equation.. It could be like the Drake Equation in a way!!!
Then I thought of X. We broke up because there was no chemistry between us according to X. Chemistry is a science. We know how chemicals react to each other. Chemicals are governed by rules. We know what likes to bond with what and which chemical are "easy" and which play hard to get. We also know which ones are radioactive.
So we'd have two equations....one for each potential mate. If the solutions are within a certain deviation, then the relationship could work out. If not, then there's no need to even try.
Yes. It could be like the Myers-Briggs. When meeting someone you could just go I'm a 5 like people go around shouting I'm an INTP...
Hmmm...a numerical solution might not work....a graphical solution, a function, might be better. Yes...and then if the two functions intersect or maybe overlap, then you'd have a good match.
Yes. There could be a computer that potentially matches us. It just searches for a compatible function.
Seriously. This could work. Yes.
So the first step is to create a function. Then find some happily married people to test it on. Awesomeness.
Obama and Gay Marriage
My facebook feed is full of people rejoicing over Obama's announcing he was for gay marriage.
Let me reign in my cynicism a bit. It's only an election year. His popularity was tanking.
Bread and circuses....
Let me reign in my cynicism a bit. It's only an election year. His popularity was tanking.
Bread and circuses....
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Obliterated
I was having a good day. I got a hug. And had lunch. I was like adult. Then I came home. I had to leave.
I went to the park. alone. sniff.
BUT! I saw
I went to the park. alone. sniff.
BUT! I saw
- rainbow!
- swamp irises in multiple colors!
- Jeremiah and his friends!
- WATER LILIES!!!!!!
- lotuses
- baby ducks
- baby ducks waddlin through grass
- WATER LILIES!!!!
- and something that looked suspiciously like an otter!!!!
bad mood obliterated.
woke up
happy. :)
Probably because I managed to run into Buddy and he gave me a big hug. Makes the world a better place.
Probably because I managed to run into Buddy and he gave me a big hug. Makes the world a better place.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
this is all there is
I get up, go to work, come home.
I stare at the wall or stare at the computer screen.
The only difference is whether or not I cry myself to sleep.
Every so often I go over to Movie Buddy's house and watch a movie. That's coming to an end so then it will be every weekday get up, go to work, come home and stare at the screen.
Every couple weeks I go on a trip with Adventure Buddy. But that's coming to an end too.
Ad infinitum.
This is my life.
I loved Dead Poets Society. I loved Walden. I loved the ideals in them. How did I come to be living a life so completely opposite of that.
All in all, I'm just another brick in the wall. And I hate it with a burning passion. And I loathe myself for letting it happen.
I stare at the wall or stare at the computer screen.
The only difference is whether or not I cry myself to sleep.
Every so often I go over to Movie Buddy's house and watch a movie. That's coming to an end so then it will be every weekday get up, go to work, come home and stare at the screen.
Every couple weeks I go on a trip with Adventure Buddy. But that's coming to an end too.
Ad infinitum.
This is my life.
I loved Dead Poets Society. I loved Walden. I loved the ideals in them. How did I come to be living a life so completely opposite of that.
All in all, I'm just another brick in the wall. And I hate it with a burning passion. And I loathe myself for letting it happen.
Vacation
I noticed on my most recent pay stub that I have accumulated 80 hours of vacation. That would be 2 weeks. Two glorious weeks of fun and not worrying about a very tall truck with an expensive solar panel roof and short bridges.
I want to see the beach. Not just any beach, but the Pacific Ocean. They say the Pacific has no memory (Quick! what movie is that from?)
I decided to go to Oregon. Because of my uh fluffiness (yeah that's it) it would be better on all parties if I took my car and drove. That way I can stop and see stuff, and never actually get there. I was really excited. I could see mountains and waterfalls and covered bridges. I signed up to get all the travel brochures from the states I would be driving through.
And then I realized something. It would be 2 weeks alone. A road trip alone. I don't have any one to share the fun with.
I think it was the question asked on Montana's website that made me not want to go anymore. It asked "Who is your travel companion?" and one of the options was a furry four legged friend.
I never got to take Jake to the beach. I was going to take him after I graduated. I think he would have loved the beach with all the smells. I'm not sure how he would have been walking in sand but we would have looked for a different kind of beach. I wonder if he would have gone into the ocean.
I want to see the beach. Not just any beach, but the Pacific Ocean. They say the Pacific has no memory (Quick! what movie is that from?)
I decided to go to Oregon. Because of my uh fluffiness (yeah that's it) it would be better on all parties if I took my car and drove. That way I can stop and see stuff, and never actually get there. I was really excited. I could see mountains and waterfalls and covered bridges. I signed up to get all the travel brochures from the states I would be driving through.
And then I realized something. It would be 2 weeks alone. A road trip alone. I don't have any one to share the fun with.
I think it was the question asked on Montana's website that made me not want to go anymore. It asked "Who is your travel companion?" and one of the options was a furry four legged friend.
I never got to take Jake to the beach. I was going to take him after I graduated. I think he would have loved the beach with all the smells. I'm not sure how he would have been walking in sand but we would have looked for a different kind of beach. I wonder if he would have gone into the ocean.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Washing and Putting Away
I have finally started washing Jake's beds and bandanas. I held off because I couldn't face it. I kept telling myself it was because I didn't have a large plastic storage box. I bought 2 this afternoon and am slowly washing and filling it.
It's led to some discussion with my mother. She apparently thinks I would wash all of Jake's bedding in Woolite. Of course I would, ignoring the special dog bed detergent I bought just for this purpose. Then she's telling me she washed everything. Uhm no she didn't. But it wouldn't matter, I need to this.
I'm not sure how to wash the bandanas.
I miss him so much. I've been feeling terribly guilty. I've been working a lot of long hours away from home and I was relieved that Jake was not suffering missing me. And then I was consumed with horrid guilt for thinking those things.
I realized yesterday that if it wasn't for Hiking Buddy, work and Mass, I'd never leave the house. I haven't gone for a walk in a park since Jake died.
Jake needed me and he was always happy to see me. I miss that so much.
It's led to some discussion with my mother. She apparently thinks I would wash all of Jake's bedding in Woolite. Of course I would, ignoring the special dog bed detergent I bought just for this purpose. Then she's telling me she washed everything. Uhm no she didn't. But it wouldn't matter, I need to this.
I'm not sure how to wash the bandanas.
I miss him so much. I've been feeling terribly guilty. I've been working a lot of long hours away from home and I was relieved that Jake was not suffering missing me. And then I was consumed with horrid guilt for thinking those things.
I realized yesterday that if it wasn't for Hiking Buddy, work and Mass, I'd never leave the house. I haven't gone for a walk in a park since Jake died.
Jake needed me and he was always happy to see me. I miss that so much.
Turtles n snakes
On the drive to a parish wine event, I asked Drinking buddy to keep an on the road for snakes. He's like what are you going to close your eyes? Of course not, I'm driving... I want to make sure I run them over :p. what about turtles? Oh I like them. I'll avoid them!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Struggling
I've been struggling recently.
I'm beginning to think that a friend would be better off without me. I seem to bring no amount of bad luck to this friend and apparently encourage bad behavior.
Now that Jake is gone, I'm realizing no one really needs me. No one really wants me.
I went with a gentleman friend to a parish event. The priest was so chatty. After Mass he talked to us and asked me if I was going with the guy. Clueless as I was, I was like yes. Then Father was like maybe the Holy Spirit will work in the two of you. Oh. He meant not going to the festival, he meant dating. Crap. Gentleman friend has made his intentions clearly known and it isn't along the same lines that Father had in mind.
I'll spare you the details of the panic/anxiety attack I managed to have at the parish festival...
Gentleman friend and I go to get dinner at the festival. Father asked us to sit with him. He's very chatty. Father gets ready to leave and asks if we are engaged. I'm like no. He looks at Gentleman Friend and was like you need to get engaged to her and marriage will be good for the both of you. I cover my face with my hands and apparently my face goes bright red.
Later, Gentleman friend was like I know the priest embarrassed you. Uh. No. You're face got all red and you covered it. Because I was trying not to cry. Because Father saying it was like a knife twisting in my heart, knowing no man wants to marry me. That I'm not special to anyone. And on some level, I was scared of Gentleman friend's reaction. That he would abandon me.
I dunno. I'm being stupid and silly for sure.
I'm beginning to think that a friend would be better off without me. I seem to bring no amount of bad luck to this friend and apparently encourage bad behavior.
Now that Jake is gone, I'm realizing no one really needs me. No one really wants me.
I went with a gentleman friend to a parish event. The priest was so chatty. After Mass he talked to us and asked me if I was going with the guy. Clueless as I was, I was like yes. Then Father was like maybe the Holy Spirit will work in the two of you. Oh. He meant not going to the festival, he meant dating. Crap. Gentleman friend has made his intentions clearly known and it isn't along the same lines that Father had in mind.
I'll spare you the details of the panic/anxiety attack I managed to have at the parish festival...
Gentleman friend and I go to get dinner at the festival. Father asked us to sit with him. He's very chatty. Father gets ready to leave and asks if we are engaged. I'm like no. He looks at Gentleman Friend and was like you need to get engaged to her and marriage will be good for the both of you. I cover my face with my hands and apparently my face goes bright red.
Later, Gentleman friend was like I know the priest embarrassed you. Uh. No. You're face got all red and you covered it. Because I was trying not to cry. Because Father saying it was like a knife twisting in my heart, knowing no man wants to marry me. That I'm not special to anyone. And on some level, I was scared of Gentleman friend's reaction. That he would abandon me.
I dunno. I'm being stupid and silly for sure.
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