Awesome Day

I haven't posted much in the last few days because I haven't felt well.  Mostly I felt unwanted and unneeded.

But I had an awesome day today!

I got up early and took pictures of lotuses.  I then helped photobuddy with his latest book.  He fed me brunch.  I then got tater pancakes for later.  We watched movies and chillaxed.

Then we went swimming.  :)

Well the Recession Explains It!

I've been wondering why I've gotten girly lately.  I bought lipstick.  I bought a skirt.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

Luckily the good bloggers at Scientific American have explained it.  It's all about evolutionary psychology.  That's right.  I'm buying lipstick and skirts because the economy is bad.

Living with Parents

The Art of Manliness has a new article posted about moving back in with your parents.  It's good solid advice.

There is one piece of advice that I wish I had done from the get go.  I knew I had to but I didn't manage it.  It's redefine the relationship from vertical to horizontal.

Photography

The lotuses are blossoming at the local botanical garden.  I've been waiting for a while because I wanted to take pictures of them.

Today is the last moderately cool day.  The temperatures are supposed to be in triple digits for the foreseeable future.

Today the garden opens up 2 hours earlier, meaning I could theoretically go before work.

I was up.  In fact, lately, I've been getting up around 5 and then am in a hazy sleeping not sleeping state until I actually have to get up.

I just could not make myself get out of bed and go.  I was like whatever.

I just don't feel like taking pictures anymore.

Lack of Adventure

95+ degree temps and matching humidity.  Adventure involves finding AC.

Is hopeful that there will be adventure this weekend involving water.

Oh Monday

Awwww

I am amazed at how a compliment from a friend can completely change my mood.

Texts

The text mailbox on my phone only holds 525 messages. It's full right now so I'm having to delete messages. Some messages are easy to delete. Weather alerts for instance.

My box is still full so now I have delete messages from my best friend. I never know which ones to delete . Well ok the ones I text open your door can go but what about the ones that reassure me?

I already am sad when I think about his texts because I accidentally deleted the ones he told me I was awesome and that I could do it. I liked having them on my phone because when I felt bad I could go look at then and feel better .

Sometimes these are the only bright spots in a day.

Real

I don't think I'm real sometimes.  I'm a ghost; a spirit.  I can go days without physically speaking or interacting with people.  I go to events and I just drift along.  I fade in, I fade out.

If I'm not real and am a ghost, then that would explain how people don't seem to see me.

Shopping

Shopping for girl support structures with husband, boyfriend, SO or partner:  totally awesome. (I think...I'm just guessing...)
Shopping for girl support structures with girlfriends:  totally fun. (again...I'm just guessing based on TV/movies)
Shopping for girl support structures with mother:  totally not.

This episode brought to you by accidentally leaving your underthings in the dryer and having your mom find them.

I'm not exactly sure why my underthings are a crime...is not like anyone sees them....I'm not Madonna

For A Friend

Quote of the Day

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

 Eleanor Roosevelt

Snup's Moving Tip

I've moved many times.  Sometimes I've known way in advance I was moving.  Sometimes I had days.  Needless to say I have a couple tips.

• Don't just throw stuff in boxes.  Trust me on this.  
• Don't pack stuff that is dirty.  Because when the boxes start to smell...  And then there is the I packed my winter coat dirty and now it is 8 months later and freezing and it's all icky.
• Purge and donate.  Don't pack anything you don't actually use or want any more.  Why move it only to get rid of it when you unpack?  Save your back and save your boxes for stuff you want.
• And on that note, get rid of stuff that doesn't fit you.  If you lose weight, you'll be so happy you will go out and buy all new clothes. :)
• Label your boxes.  Stuff is not a label.  Office stuff is even more not a label.
• Pack like things together.  This may mean putting physics books in one box, and fiction books in another.  Label them physics books and fiction books.  Because when you suddenly get a job adjuncting in physics you will save your self effort in looking for the books while everything is chaotic.
• Prioritize.  I've never made a move where stuff didn't get left behind.  Twice it was because things wouldn't fit.  The boxes with all your important documents, your jewelry, things you would die without, be sure to put those in special boxes.  Put stickers on them.  PACK THEM FIRST!  At one place I left all the rubbermaid behind and I was like eh.  Another place I had to take stuff out of the truck and rearrange to get my clothes in the truck.
• Clean first, then pack.  There's nothing like tripping over stuff with moving boxes.  This also gives you the added benefit of giving you a better idea of how much stuff you really have.
• Luggage.  Boxes for clothes you are currently wearing.  That way you can find them fast because they will stick out.
• Rubbermaids:  good for corralling small stuff and then putting in large boxes. Then you can empty them and use them for food.
• EAT ALL YOUR FOOD or give it to a food pantry.
• If you have time, take it slow.  Do a little bit each day. Feelings of being overwhelmed quickly happen.  If it is a forced move, you will already be upset.
• If your stuff is going to be in separate places, make a list.  Not I put 6 boxes in a storage locker.  But: I put 6 boxes of Christmas decorations in the basement.  My table and tools are at the storage locker.  I have no idea where my pots and pans are at this point in time.  I hope they are safe....
• Pack stuff you won't need for awhile first.  If it's the middle of summer, pack up those Christmas decorations!  They should already be somewhat stored so it might go a bit faster.
• Don't make the boxes so heavy you can't pick them up and carry them to where ever you need.  You might have to hike those boxes up and down stairs or down a long hallway.
• Feed the people who help you.  Pizza and beer/soda are always good.
• Take breaks.  10 minutes won't make that big of a deal...but will help your back.
• Play music.  Groove.
• When in doubt, tape.  Lots and lots of tape.
• Sharpies are your friends.

They say

God answers your prayers.

Why then, does it seem, the answer for me is always no?

Game Quotes

Gaming Buddy:  You have to let me win.  The male ego is a fragile thing.  It's easily damaged.
Me:  I'm so putting that on the blog.

Me:  Man I suck!
Gaming Buddy:  I still respect and value you as a human being.
Me:  But not as a gamer...

The Boxer

Choosing Photos

Sometimes I take multiple photos of the same thing.  Usually it is to ensure one of them isn't blurry so the images are practically duplicates.  Other times, I move the camera slightly around.  Now I'm left with multiple images of the same subject that are slightly different.  I have to choose which one to use.  And I can't.  So here are the 4 images I took...see what you think.

Critique of Through the Gate

I took this picture

I love the concept of the photo. I really like natural framing as provided by the gate. It suggests something that was hidden but is now revealed or looking with a different perspective.
I'm not liking the execution of this photo though. The framing is too tight...cutting off the Chuli glass rays. The gate is too emphasized while the vase in the background is underemphasized. And there is some bizarre keystoning going on.
Here are the other two shots I took:

In this shot, the vase and the gate are equally emphasized. However, I didn't get all the Chuli glass in. And there's that keystoning.

In this one, I got all the glass, but not the gate. And there's that funky angle going on.
I'm not sure, which one is the best?

Drinking Dinos

Every meal deserves a beer....

Don't Touch

Uhm sure.

Although some of the art just scares me...

Lemon Meringue Pie

The lemon part.

It's a shortbread crust.

I knew I needed a $300 stand mixer.

Look at those stiff firm peaks!

Woot!

So my mom demanded I make a lemon meringue pie for Father's Day.  I said I would after Mass.  While I was at Mass, they went shopping and bought a lemon meringue pie.  

Current River

At the beginning! I do believe that's where we went in on the left.

I want to ride my bicycle

Hiking Buddy got a bike for his b-day.  After squishing my misplaced jealousy down, I realized I have a bike too. We can ride bikes together.  YAY!

Hiking Buddy has been riding everyday since he got it.  He mentioned that initially he was a little wobbly.  I shrugged it off.

Then I remembered something.  I haven't ridden a bike since before I got Jake.  I actually thought about it and was like I don't think I've ridden that bike at all.  Depression can do that to you.

I was like...I'm old.  I'm going to get on the bike and then I'll fall.  And die of humiliation.  So I had this brilliant idea to ride it.  NOW.  I'm in my pjs with my tennis shoes on.  Yeah.  Doing this in the dark was the way to go.

Wobbly doesn't even cover it.  I forgot how to stop.  I have no idea how to use the grip shifts.

This is going to be interesting.  And frightening.

Canoe Trip

Hiking Buddy's B-Day was yesterday.  I had to work today and Hiking Buddy actually likes his family and wants to spend time with them.  So I arranged an early b-day present for him.  Hiking Buddy really likes canoeing, but taking Hiking Buddy's canoe out is rather difficult.  Hiking Buddy is tall and I'm short.  Getting his canoe on his Yukon is work.  I've also discovered that Yukons don't get good gas milage.  Yukons with canoes on them have even worse milage.  Then there's the other problem.  If Hiking Buddy and I go down a river, how are we supposed to get back to the Yukon?  He said something about paddling upstream....  That sounded like work...not fun.

So I had the brilliant idea of going on a float trip for his b-day.  He kept mentioning someplace called Eminence.  Needless to say, I got the hint.

I have to say, before I met Hiking Buddy, I was absolutely terrified of canoeing.  Previously, every time I had gone canoeing I ended up in the water.  Not on purpose either.  The last time I went on a float trip, I nearly died.  The canoe flipped over and I ended up with my legs pinned under a log.  I remember the water rushing over me and people yelling at me to get out from under the canoe...  <shudder>

Anyway.  I had been canoeing with Hiking Buddy and nothing bad had happened.  Other than no water in the lake.

So I get Hiking Buddy up and out of the house and we get to the canoe place in time.  I get the snacks and drinks out of the car and he's like do we need all that?  No...we can leave your food...  It all came with.  We get everything tied up in the canoe and off we go.  We make it about 20 feet and get stuck on a rock.  And I'm in the water.  And there goes the sunscreen.  And the Powerade.  Some nice guy helped Hiking Buddy unswamp the canoe.  I'm pretty useless.

Hiking Buddy then had an awesome idea.  I should be in the back.  Steering.  That lasted all of 15 feet. Probably because I have no idea what I'm doing.

So we are floating along.  We get stuck in a whirlpool.  We get turned around.  We find the sunscreen! The southern part of Missouri is in a drought.  The river, although spring fed, is really low.  So we are trying to find the deepest part without obstacles.  At one point we decide to go left.  I don't remember what happened next.  I was wet.  The sunscreen was floating away.  And the paddle.  We need the paddle.  I start chasing it.  The river's current is really strong and pushing me.  I lose my balance and fall in and end up swimming.  I get the paddle.  Now I have to get back to the canoe.  Except I can't manage it.  I was about to call for Hiking Buddy but then the life jacket floated by and I grabbed it and it was all okay.  I did spend the next 15 minutes shaking.  I don't know if it was from fear or the cold water....  We lost sunscreen and a bottle of propel.    I stuck my hand in pocket and realized that my little point and shoot camera is there instead of in the waterproof otter box.  The camera is a loss...

So we continue after a snack break.  I'm starting to get the hang of it.  Things really go better after we pass a spring that is putting lots of water into the river.  The river deepens and there seems to be less obstacles.  And I start having FUN!

It was totally awesome.  I'm trying to convince Hiking Buddy we should go again for my b-day.  I'm thinking we should tube and then go visit all the different springs.

GPS

My GPS was stolen out of my car.  I'm perplexed though because nothing else was taken.  Not the 2 camera lenses, the camera, the cell phone or the 6 CDs.  I'm glad nothing else was stolen,  it is just bizarre.

I'm more upset because Hiking Buddy gave me the GPS for my birthday.  His address was my first favorite.  Hiking Buddy and I went on a great many adventures with that GPS.

Lucky for me, I bought my dad a GPS with lifetime maps and traffic for Christmas.  He refuses to use it.  Guess who's using it now ;)

Not a good day

is in store when you wake up at 5 am in the middle of a panic attack.

Unreal

I was so happy on Monday morning.  I was going to blog about the canoe trip and all the fun I had over the weekend with Hiking Buddy.

Then Monday afternoon happened.  And everything came crashing down.

I feel like a total and complete failure.  I feel totally useless.

I look at job openings and I'm just like I don't have any of these skills.

I thought things were finally going to get better.

Things will never get better for me.

It's unreal.

Tyranny

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences.” –C.S. Lewis”

Distressed

On Monday, I found out my contract will be terminated 4 months early.  Needless to say, I am off cycle with the academic job market and I'm extremely worried.  I feel useless and a failure.

Today, I'm seeing an orthopedist about my knee.  I fell over a year ago and did something to it.  I didn't have health insurance at the time, so I never got it really treated.  The irony escapes me that again, I'm going to lose health insurance and my knee will most likely be untreated.

Needless to say, I've reached the point where I'm so stressed I can't eat.  Which is good.  Because food is expensive and I need to save my money.

Even more distressing is that I won't be going to Oregon.

Yeah...that's about right

I wore a corset under my dress for my graduation.  I had to because of the dress.

It's just like this scene in Meet Me in St. Louis.

I get why they had fainting couches.  It was so hard to breathe.  It was hard to sit upright.  Reclining it was the most comfortable.

Dancing

I want to go dancing.  Not clubbing.  Dancing.  Like swing dancing.  So I can dance to this:
I'm even willing to wear a dress! So the skirt flares out. It just seems like so much fun.
I was watching Meet Me in St. Louis and I love the Skip to My Lou scene.  I think set dances like that in the movie would be awesome.  No more stressing about who to do dance with and being monopolized by some scary guy. And dance cards! A way to meet guys!

Praying

I wonder what God thinks when 2 people present prayers to Him asking for the exact opposite thing.  I wonder how He chooses.

I suppose He chooses which one to answer based on His Will.  But how do you know what that is?

If God is just going to do as He wills, is there any point to asking for intercessions?  He's going to do what He wants anyway...so why?  Why pray at all?

I suppose you could always pray for acceptance.

Meal Replacement Bars

Yeah.  Not so much.  Either my meals are too big or the bars are too small.

And I'm still hungry...

The diet  new way of eating is sort of going well.  Until about 6 pm.  Then I'm so hungry or stressed or anxious that I will eat everything in my path.  Luckily, my family has decided everyone is responsible for their own food so if I don't go to the store, I don't have any snacks.  Which is awesome.  But then I go to the store hungry.  And buy everything in sight.  not so good.

sigh.

Next Food Network Star

Usually, I love the Food Network's Next Star.  I don't necessarily watch the new Star's show, but I love watching them get chosen.

I am having a very hard time watching this season.  I don't know if it is the format or the chefs.  I'm not rooting for any of them.

This was a good Sunday night time killer and I just am like blah.

Best of What's Around

I have a sad recently.  Hiking Buddy is going through a rough patch and I am very sad for Hiking Buddy.     Things had already changed with Jake's death and now this .

Anyway.  Hiking Buddy is perfect in every way. except for 1 thing.  Ok 2 but who's counting.  He doesn't love Dave Matthews Band.  He doesn't even like it I think....I think he tolerates it for my sake...  but can you imagine?

There is a DMB song that I love when I'm sad and overwhelmed... Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your times with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind
See, you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around
Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
Hey la hey la hey la la la la the best of what's around.

Dear Brain

Can we please stop dreaming about babies?  It's stressing me out.

Thanks