Life Outside of School

I have been out of school slightly over a month.  At first, it was no big deal because I was never in school over the Christmas break.  It wasn't that unusual.  I realized today that it is the 2nd or 3rd week of the semester.

As I write this, I'm bored out of my skull.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I'm not adjusting well. What am I supposed to do with myself between the hours of 5 and 10 pm?

For instance, at work, I thought about what I was going to do tonight.  I was like, I'll process some photos and add a soundtrack to movies I took. Maybe I can then get to my CV.  It's not working out that way.  I can't use the kitchen table because my dad is watching tv and where I would sit with my laptop blocks his view.  I can't do anything that requires a surface.  No quilting, no working on anything.  This also eliminates baking anything because I need the table. No problem, I suppose I could play Wii.  Mom's in the living room watching TV.  No dice there.  My mom and dad are both watching the same program BTW.

Well, I need to clean my room.  Except it upsets Jake something terrible and he's not feeling well.  I also need to branch out into other rooms to put the stuff while I clean.  So that's off the list.

I used to spend time on social networks except I really don't belong anymore.  Some of it is my own doing and some of it is just the natural progression of a community.

I guess I could go out.  Except it's raining so that eliminiates photography.  I could go to a bar, except I'm not sure that a female going to a bar by themselves is such a good idea, especially a female that gets buzzed very very quickly.  I could go shopping but I really don't have the funds for that.

I suppose I could see what movie buddy is doing.  Except I was just at his joint last night.  I feel guilty if I ask him to do something more than 2x a week.  I worry I bother and annoy him too much sometimes.  He, of course, is a gentleman and never says anything about it.  But my father used to tell me I couldn't go over to other people's houses because I would be bothering and annoying them.  So sometimes I get confused and I don't know what to do and then I feel silly bringing it up.

Now you are like, surely you can see what your other friends are up to?  I don't have any other friends in real life.  Which makes me incredibly sad.  I don't know how to get friends either and I'm not so good at keeping them.  Movie buddy is the 2nd longest friendship I've had.

I've tried to join groups and stuff.  The first one I went to was a disaster.    The people were not very friendly.  Let me rephrase that.  They weren't very welcoming.  I was not greeted and everyone stood around talking to people they knew.  I'm not so good in social things so I didn't (and still don't) know what to do.    I've joined a meet-up group but every activity that works for me is full.

This leaves me with laying on my bed and reading.  Which is fine for an hour or so (since I finally have something to read...) but it is a good 2 hours until I really need to be in my bed working on sleeping.  I suppose I could watch something on my iPad while laying on my bed.  It's a little hard on my neck and it gets uncomfortable after a while.  There's also the volume problem.

All I can think about is how is this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life.  And it makes me want to cry.