Monday, July 30, 2012

Disconnected

I feel so disconnected.
Disconnected from others.
From life
from reality.

I could float away as there is nothing holding me.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

When

did science and atheism become the same thing?  Or that you had to be an atheist to be a scientist?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Frozen

I'm losing my job on August 10.  I have no prospects for afters.  I've applied for a few and have a couple more applications to send out.

A social media friend has been harassing me about finding a job for the last month.

Every time I start thinking about a new job waves of panic hit me and I'm frozen with indecision.

I don't know what I want to do.  Should I try an academic job, a non-profit, or give it up and go into corporate America?

I don't know where to live.  Do I look for local jobs or do I move away.  I'd like to move far away but I have a very thin support structure as it is.  I'd have nothing if I'd move away.  But if I stay, there may not be any jobs.  My parents are getting older.  I should be responsible and stay and help them.

I think about the jobs I've had and how I've wrecked every one in some way.

All of this going on while trying to write letters selling myself and I just freak out and retreat.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Not a Whirlwind of Despair

Normally, when I read the blog Seraphic Singles I am thrown into a whirlwind of despair.  It seems I've done everything wrong and that's why I'm still single with no prospects.

This morning's post was different.  For some reason, this morning's post made me feel hopeful.

No idea why.  But it is such a remarkable feeling I thought I'd remark on it.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Movie Fest

I have plans to cope with my first Monday of being unemployed by watching movies and drinking wine.  I need movie suggestions though...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Lost

Movie Buddy loves the TV show Lost.  It's alright I guess.  I'm rooting for the dog.

Anyway, one of the characters seems very aimless in the beginning.  He then gets it together.  When asked he's like I have PURPOSE now.  I had no PURPOSE before, but I have it now.

I'm intrigued by this.  I think about my own life.  I think that is why I've been so sad lately.

I have no purpose.  My life has no meaning.

And I haven't the foggiest idea on how to get it.