I'm 35. I'm single. I've only had one boyfriend in my life and I was a miserable failure at that. I have one friend in real life. I have little prospect of a husband or friends. My boss wants to know what is wrong with me.
All I can think of is how did it come to this. I can't say I don't know how it happened as I know full well how it came about.
My parents and I don't get it along. I 'm sure my parents are lovely people but they are not the parents I needed. I swore I would never be like them.
There's something to be said for being too smart for your own good. I had done research and discovered I was at high risk for marrying a man like my father. I couldn't let that happen. I began to harden my heart.
When I was 19, the doctor told me i most likely would not be able to have children. At the time, I was strangely relieved. I was worried I would not be a good mother and now I wouldn't need to worry.
I became more resolved not to date or anything. After all, what man would want to marry me given I would most. Likely be unable to bear him children.
School kept me occupied and distracted. I never seemed to build. A circle of friends.
Now that school is over I am at a complete loss.
Right now you are saying to your self surely you had dreams and goals? While growing up? I had one goal: get a phd. That was it and I've done it.
Honestly, I never believed I would still be alive at 30 let alone 35. So I dreamed no dreams.
I am struggling to cope and honestly I am not coping well.
1 comment:
Okay so now you have a phd... and nothing to strive for in the future? NOT SO! Since you are academic minded, it is time to research and plan how to become the person we see you as. Somehow, you have not been able to connect who you are with the person your friends on plurk have come to know and care about. This will be as difficult as getting your phd, but it is worth it. I know you can do it!
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