Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Not so subtle
My mom is making a point to watch the Biggest Loser whenever I'm around. I think she's trying to tell me something...
Monday, February 27, 2012
Jake's Last Adventure pt 1
Jake, my basset hound, is slowly dying of lymphoma. He's getting weaker by the day. Last fall, I had read an article about someone who's dog was dying and he created the perfect day for his dog. I decided to that for Jake. I had hoped to wait for a nice warm day so the windows could be open and he could stick his head out the window, but it was not meant to be. There was one problem however. Jake is now having good days and bad days. The day I picked for his perfect day was a bad day.
Where did we go?
On Saturday we went to:
On Sunday:
Where did we go?
On Saturday we went to:
- Chick Fil A (Jake luves the mini-biscuits)
- Meremac State Park to look for Caves. Jake was having none of it. Slimy stuff on his paws.
- Meremac Conservation Area. Nice flat trail. Jake was so slow I let him walk off-leash. :)
- Three Squirrels Winery (Jake luves squirrels...)
- St. Michael in Steelville
- Dillard Mill State Historic Sight. Jake was like a Missouri Mule. I ain't walking anymore and you can't make me.
- Hope Springs in Steelville
- Chick Fil A
On Sunday:
- Church of the Risen Savior
- Our Lady of Sorrows Shrine, Starkenburg
- 4 wineries :)
We still have to get Jake his ice cream.
All total, we went 506 miles.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Overheard at Lunch...
Woman who has just been engaged is telling how she met her fiancee:
We were at a party and I heard the music for Final Fantasy and I thought it would make a great wedding march. Then he came up to me and said it would be perfect for a wedding. I knew he was the right one at that moment.
We were at a party and I heard the music for Final Fantasy and I thought it would make a great wedding march. Then he came up to me and said it would be perfect for a wedding. I knew he was the right one at that moment.
Have you ever had that feeling...
that you forgot something of vital importance?
On the way to work this morning I kept thinking I forgot something. I left my bag at work. I had a spare shoe to drive in. Had my ID and keys. What could I be forgetting?
I get to work and go to switch my sunglasses to my regular glasses. Oh. That would be it.
Hopes the sun stays asleep today.
On the way to work this morning I kept thinking I forgot something. I left my bag at work. I had a spare shoe to drive in. Had my ID and keys. What could I be forgetting?
I get to work and go to switch my sunglasses to my regular glasses. Oh. That would be it.
Hopes the sun stays asleep today.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Niave
Said to Me: Your niavete pops out every day. It's like your super power.
Yeah. I don't know how to make the fancy dots above letters in blogger...
Yeah. I don't know how to make the fancy dots above letters in blogger...
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Apathy..
thy name is mine.
Isn't that how that quote goes?
Anyway, I have a case of apathy. I just don't care. Whatever.
Isn't that how that quote goes?
Anyway, I have a case of apathy. I just don't care. Whatever.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Failure
I was asked today why I don't have a PhD in astrophysics since I thought of myself as a scientist instead of an educator. Becuase I was essentially cornered, I had to tell the truth.
I first went to graduate school in the Fall of 1998. For the first time, I was on my own and completely in charge of myself. I was free. I didn't study as much as I should have and I started to struggle. I didn't understand it at first. Before, I was always able to skate by with studying the week of the test. It was not working. It turns out I had ADHD. I had finally reached the point where the cognitive demands were too much for my coping strategies. I also decided that I wanted experience teaching. I had thought about going into Astronomy Education Research (AER) or Physics Education Research (PER). I thought teaching would be good thing to experience so I wouldn't sound like a hypocrite. I also wasn't sure that this was what I wanted. I had yet to form significant friendships with anyone and the loneliness was eating at me.
I graduated with an MS by the skin of my teeth and went on to teach at a community college. Within a week, I knew I had made a critical mistake. I had made the wrong decision. I grew to hate going to work. I would get sick every morning. I wasn't a very good teacher either. I'm not patient and I have high expectations. I wasn't able to convey this in any kind of teacherly way. It was a disaster. And even more so because while I recognized that there were problems, I was unable to solve them or even attempt to solve them at the time.
I knew at the time teaching was not for me. I decided to go back to grad school and get my PhD. I had regretted not seriously attempting it and I was fixing that.
Again, I did not study as much as I should have. I can blame my family, I can blame the stars in the sky. The simple fact of the matter is I did not sit my butt down and study. Modern physics totally escaped me and I responded by totally avoiding it. I failed the Qualifier. Twice. I was not getting a PhD in physics.
The one goal I had in life crashed in front of me. Looking back, I can see I became seriously depressed. The next year is a blur. I couldn't find a job and I was despondant.
I was offered a place in a program for a PhD in Education. I took it because I was at a complete loss of what to do with my life and I needed more time. It took another year before I wasn't so seriously depressed.
I've graduated and I have a PhD. But the failure still haunts me and follows me around.
I was asked what I want to be when I grow up and I have no answer. All I can think of is not to be a failure.
I first went to graduate school in the Fall of 1998. For the first time, I was on my own and completely in charge of myself. I was free. I didn't study as much as I should have and I started to struggle. I didn't understand it at first. Before, I was always able to skate by with studying the week of the test. It was not working. It turns out I had ADHD. I had finally reached the point where the cognitive demands were too much for my coping strategies. I also decided that I wanted experience teaching. I had thought about going into Astronomy Education Research (AER) or Physics Education Research (PER). I thought teaching would be good thing to experience so I wouldn't sound like a hypocrite. I also wasn't sure that this was what I wanted. I had yet to form significant friendships with anyone and the loneliness was eating at me.
I graduated with an MS by the skin of my teeth and went on to teach at a community college. Within a week, I knew I had made a critical mistake. I had made the wrong decision. I grew to hate going to work. I would get sick every morning. I wasn't a very good teacher either. I'm not patient and I have high expectations. I wasn't able to convey this in any kind of teacherly way. It was a disaster. And even more so because while I recognized that there were problems, I was unable to solve them or even attempt to solve them at the time.
I knew at the time teaching was not for me. I decided to go back to grad school and get my PhD. I had regretted not seriously attempting it and I was fixing that.
Again, I did not study as much as I should have. I can blame my family, I can blame the stars in the sky. The simple fact of the matter is I did not sit my butt down and study. Modern physics totally escaped me and I responded by totally avoiding it. I failed the Qualifier. Twice. I was not getting a PhD in physics.
The one goal I had in life crashed in front of me. Looking back, I can see I became seriously depressed. The next year is a blur. I couldn't find a job and I was despondant.
I was offered a place in a program for a PhD in Education. I took it because I was at a complete loss of what to do with my life and I needed more time. It took another year before I wasn't so seriously depressed.
I've graduated and I have a PhD. But the failure still haunts me and follows me around.
I was asked what I want to be when I grow up and I have no answer. All I can think of is not to be a failure.
Mardi Gras
I have to say...I really don't get Mardi Gras. I understand the religious significance and get that but all the other stuff is beyond me. It just looks like an excuse to get drunk. And really do you need an excuse? Any place that is going to have a high percentage of drunk, rowdy people, I'm so not going to visit. I'm not sure I get the beads either. I get them for little kids. But "adults" why?
So for your Mardi Gras Pleasure:
But of course, I prefer
Eat Drink and Be Merry!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Hope
I have very little, if any, hope. I have just a sliver. That sliver is occupied with other things. I think, on some level, you have to make your own hope. I just can't do it.
I'm reminded of these scenes from Shawshank Redemption, my favorite movie.
and Hope is a Good Thing
Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.
Giving Up For Lent
Lent starts in 2 days. It is traditional for Catholics to do penance of some kind. This could mean giving something up, like candy, or doing something extra, like praying.
In the past few years, I have been a dismal failure at Lent. I have goals and plans and don't manage to carry them out. I only had 2 goals last Lent, read a book and something else. I didn't manage either.
The year before wasn't too bad. I did the Busted Halo Fast, Pray, Give challenge. At least when I messed that up, I had the next day to start all over. Kind of like Confession.
Now the Lent I came back to being Catholic was good because I set the bar really low: go to Mass every Sunday. Happily, Lent made that a habit. Then the school year ended. And I got a dog. Who howled when left alone. :/
I'm trying to decide what I should do for Lent this year. There are a great many shoulds I could do. I think I'm going to give the Fast Pray Give Challenge another go. This year maybe I need to focus on the last 2. In years past I've only focused on fast. Praying is not my forte. It turns into a horrid self pitying whine and laundry list of how my life utterly sucks. Or I merge prayers together. Let's not subject God to that again.
I know I need to get my spending under control. So maybe I will focus on that.
I spoke with a an old friend yesterday. She lives in another state and I haven't seen her in 5 years. We've grown apart but I can count on her for advice. She was like you are at a decision point in your life. You have to make a decision. It doesn't mean that you can't change the decision later. It doesn't mean that there won't be an exit point later, you can always exist if the decision is not right. I have a tendency to let others make decisions for me or to let decisions make themselves. I'm terrified of making the wrong decision, which is a topic for another day. I need to think about what I am going to do. Although I feel like sometimes all I do is think. Maybe I need to take action.
I have 40 days. What will I do with them?
In the past few years, I have been a dismal failure at Lent. I have goals and plans and don't manage to carry them out. I only had 2 goals last Lent, read a book and something else. I didn't manage either.
The year before wasn't too bad. I did the Busted Halo Fast, Pray, Give challenge. At least when I messed that up, I had the next day to start all over. Kind of like Confession.
Now the Lent I came back to being Catholic was good because I set the bar really low: go to Mass every Sunday. Happily, Lent made that a habit. Then the school year ended. And I got a dog. Who howled when left alone. :/
I'm trying to decide what I should do for Lent this year. There are a great many shoulds I could do. I think I'm going to give the Fast Pray Give Challenge another go. This year maybe I need to focus on the last 2. In years past I've only focused on fast. Praying is not my forte. It turns into a horrid self pitying whine and laundry list of how my life utterly sucks. Or I merge prayers together. Let's not subject God to that again.
I know I need to get my spending under control. So maybe I will focus on that.
I spoke with a an old friend yesterday. She lives in another state and I haven't seen her in 5 years. We've grown apart but I can count on her for advice. She was like you are at a decision point in your life. You have to make a decision. It doesn't mean that you can't change the decision later. It doesn't mean that there won't be an exit point later, you can always exist if the decision is not right. I have a tendency to let others make decisions for me or to let decisions make themselves. I'm terrified of making the wrong decision, which is a topic for another day. I need to think about what I am going to do. Although I feel like sometimes all I do is think. Maybe I need to take action.
I have 40 days. What will I do with them?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Proof
that Sunday afternoons are for going out. There is absolutely nothing on TV. And I have DirectTV.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Convertible
I'm planning Jake's last adventure. I think he'd really like riding in the back seat of a convertible. I'm trying to find one to rent. Apparently they do not exist in February in the Midwest....
Forgiveness
I hurt a friend's feelings. I did something incredibly stupid, the consequences of which I did not know would be. I'll never make that mistake again. My friend has forgiven me.
But I can not forgive myself. I can't forgive myself of the role I had to play in the whole thing.
And sometimes, I can't believe how incredibly niave I am.
But I can not forgive myself. I can't forgive myself of the role I had to play in the whole thing.
And sometimes, I can't believe how incredibly niave I am.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Rythm of Love
Heard this song on the radio. I love the idea of being held all night or being rocked as soft music plays. And maybe a good night kiss.
The video is a little hokey...but I like most of the lyrics :)
How Do I Love Thee?
Jake is ill. Jake doesn't have doggie health insurance. I'm going to a thing on Friday night and I'm like I want a new outfit. I went to the my size store and found a twirly skirt. It was $74.
Jake's vet bill was $70. Plus $40 for meds. He goes back in 13 days.
Vet bill or skirt.
Vet bill or skirt.
Vet bill or skirt.
What a silly question....
Jake's vet bill was $70. Plus $40 for meds. He goes back in 13 days.
Vet bill or skirt.
Vet bill or skirt.
Vet bill or skirt.
What a silly question....
Unacceptable
A few months ago, a priest somewhere in New England committed suicide. Either the homily or the eulogy was posted on The Deacon's Bench. This line has stuck with me
"...had come to believe the lie that he was not accepted because he was unacceptable.”
I think about this line a great deal. I wonder at what point the lie becomes truth. I look at my life and I wonder what has gone wrong. I am the only constant.
"...had come to believe the lie that he was not accepted because he was unacceptable.”
I think about this line a great deal. I wonder at what point the lie becomes truth. I look at my life and I wonder what has gone wrong. I am the only constant.
Sorry I'm so maudlin this morning. Reality is rearing it's ugly head.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Well It's Alright
Jake's, my basset, left check and neck are swollen. I think we are getting to the end of the line.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
What is Love?
Today is St. Valentine's Day. If I were from another planet.and dropped here, I'd think the day was about candy, flowers, red stuff, pink stuff, alcohol, and food. That if I spend enough money, that someone will love me. I might even get lucky. To the casual observer, the day is not about love.
My facebook feed has been packed with sappy wishes and questions about how do you show love and can you fall in love at first sight and other romanticdrival stuff.
But what is love? I know the Bible has a great deal of things to say about love. I don't know where to find the majority of the verses. I only know the section in 1 Corinthians
But what does this even mean? How will I know it when I see it? Of course, being into science, I was curious as to what science has to say on the subject. Scientific American did not disappoint and featured all kinds of articles. Even Ph.D Comics got into the act as well as XKCD. And How Stuff Works
St. Valentine was a martyr. He died for his Faith. That is love. It is sacrificial. To love something or someone so much as to sacrifice all for that thing or person. And if necessary to let them go.
I wish I knew what love was.
My facebook feed has been packed with sappy wishes and questions about how do you show love and can you fall in love at first sight and other romantic
But what is love? I know the Bible has a great deal of things to say about love. I don't know where to find the majority of the verses. I only know the section in 1 Corinthians
It bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things
St. Valentine was a martyr. He died for his Faith. That is love. It is sacrificial. To love something or someone so much as to sacrifice all for that thing or person. And if necessary to let them go.
I wish I knew what love was.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Color or B&W
Monday there was some fog. I was in the wrong place for good fog but I took some photos, thinking that converting them to black and white might be the way to go. Here are some images to compare.
I think the top is better....
Meh.
Strawberry Fields
I have come into the possession of 4 flats of strawberries or roughly 30 lbs. Don't ask. So I've been baking and freezing up a storm. Slice slice baby...
As I was making strawberry muffin loaves for Photo Buddy, I started crying. Soon, I won't have anyone to bake stuff for. Photo Buddy's planning on moving and since there appears to be no future for me here, I'm leaving as well.
I don't want to. I don't want to start over again. It took me 6 years to find a friend in the form of Photo Buddy.
I should be excited about having new opportunities. I'm not.
Computer Guy is harrassing me to finish my CV and start looking. It is incredibly hard. I'm so sad and so depressed that I can't write any cover letters that have a good spin on them. I look at openings and feel horridly unqualified.
As I was making strawberry muffin loaves for Photo Buddy, I started crying. Soon, I won't have anyone to bake stuff for. Photo Buddy's planning on moving and since there appears to be no future for me here, I'm leaving as well.
I don't want to. I don't want to start over again. It took me 6 years to find a friend in the form of Photo Buddy.
I should be excited about having new opportunities. I'm not.
Computer Guy is harrassing me to finish my CV and start looking. It is incredibly hard. I'm so sad and so depressed that I can't write any cover letters that have a good spin on them. I look at openings and feel horridly unqualified.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Art History
wow. These are Awesome! Art with a science fiction slant!
My favorite:
I found more! with Sesame Street!
Kermit and Miss Piggy! And here!
Oooo Original Muppet Art!
My favorite:
I found more! with Sesame Street!
Kermit and Miss Piggy! And here!
Oooo Original Muppet Art!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Drinking Misadventures
At liquor store:
Me: What's this?
Worker: It's a new vodka. It tastes like fruit loops.
Me: (hesitation) Oh let's get it.
Worker: Why all the alcohol?
Me: I'm celebrating! I still have a job!
Worker: That's the first I've heard of that....
At Drinking Buddy's House:
Drinking Buddy: (upon seeing the bottle of Loopy vodka): Isn't this for adults? Why are they making adult beverages kid flavors?
Me: Because I want my childhood back? So do you want to some?
Fruit loop flavored vodka...so wrong...yet so so so delicious. I now want fruit loops.
Me: What's this?
Worker: It's a new vodka. It tastes like fruit loops.
Me: (hesitation) Oh let's get it.
Worker: Why all the alcohol?
Me: I'm celebrating! I still have a job!
Worker: That's the first I've heard of that....
At Drinking Buddy's House:
Drinking Buddy: (upon seeing the bottle of Loopy vodka): Isn't this for adults? Why are they making adult beverages kid flavors?
Me: Because I want my childhood back? So do you want to some?
Fruit loop flavored vodka...so wrong...yet so so so delicious. I now want fruit loops.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
THAT'S IT!!!!!!
I have an idea!!!! I do better with "projects/themes" rather than open ended things....
I was reading Digital Hairshirt this morning and was like I didn't know about Psalm 143. I know about the 7 Penitential Psalms and I know that for Sundays some Psalms are more common than others. For some reason Psalms 45, 98, 108 stick out in my mind.
Anyway, I was like I should read more psalms. And then I was like it would be neat to illustrate them or find things that illustrate them. I COULD TAKE PICTURES!!!!! (dance dance)
So now I'm all inspired. And late for work.
I was reading Digital Hairshirt this morning and was like I didn't know about Psalm 143. I know about the 7 Penitential Psalms and I know that for Sundays some Psalms are more common than others. For some reason Psalms 45, 98, 108 stick out in my mind.
Anyway, I was like I should read more psalms. And then I was like it would be neat to illustrate them or find things that illustrate them. I COULD TAKE PICTURES!!!!! (dance dance)
So now I'm all inspired. And late for work.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wish I was
on vacation. on a beach. sipping something fruity and alcoholic. Of course, anyone that really knows me knows I'd go nuts after about 15 minutes of nothing and quiet and relaxation.....
This is not the best quality but it is the only one I could find with English subtitles. I love Lilo & Stitch. I totally identify with Lilo and Stitch. Lilo and Stitch don't fit in and I feel like that. One day I'll have Ohana.
This is not the best quality but it is the only one I could find with English subtitles. I love Lilo & Stitch. I totally identify with Lilo and Stitch. Lilo and Stitch don't fit in and I feel like that. One day I'll have Ohana.
Photography, Inspiration and Meh
I've always been interested in photography. I've always thought a camera was a necessary item for living. As a freshman in high school, I attempted to take pictures for the yearbook. In college, when I worked at the school's observatory, I attempted to take astrophotos. Neither of these attempts were all that successful. I have only to blame, it's not like I did any research or practiced in any way.
Then, in 2009, something changed. That was also the year I met Photo Buddy. Photo Buddy loves to talk about photography. He's perfectly happy to be quiet too :) Anyway, after a while I started asking Photo Buddy questions. Although he's a big fan of the mantra "RT*M...he did answer my questions. :)
Then I got this crazy idea to do a 365 challenge. That blog is here. Rather quickly, I became aware that my little point and shoot digital was not adequate. It was great because I could put it in my pocket and take it anywhere, but Jake the basset hound, was too fast for it. Then there was the low light problem. In mid-2009, I started touring different churches in the St. Louis Archdiocese. I would take pictures of the inside church and they would be meh and blurry. (I can hear Photo Buddy right now...tripod...use a tripod...)
In June 2010, I finally caved and bought a dSLR, a Canon Rebel. (I've wanted a Rebel since forever...). And I began taking pictures all the time. Then my dissertation happened. I got too busy to take pictures everyday, let alone process them.
Now my dissertation is finished and I've graduated. I have time to take photos and process them. But I can't seem to pick up the camera. I went out with Photo Buddy this past weekend and I was totally uninspired and there was lots of meh and bleh and blah going around. This is unusual because I usually take at least 100 photos on an expedition. This is not the first time this has happened. We haven't gone out much yet this year but the times we have gone out, I haven't really wanted to take pictures. It's all meh. Yesterday there was fog, and I love fogs and I love photographing fogs but I just couldn't seem to make it work. I felt stressed instead of happy. See on Sunday, we found some snow crocuses and I felt so happy? content? not stressed? taking pictures of them.
All I want to do is take pictures of barren trees and snow. I want to take pictures of desolation and isolation. Of loneliness and disconnectedness. and in black and white.
I wonder what is wrong. Is it the depression? Is it normal in terms of creativity? Does creativity have ebb and flow? Have I reached my peak as a photographer? Do I need to do some more learning? Maybe if I improve my methods/technique? Do I need a new camera? A new lens?
All I feel is this meh.
Then, in 2009, something changed. That was also the year I met Photo Buddy. Photo Buddy loves to talk about photography. He's perfectly happy to be quiet too :) Anyway, after a while I started asking Photo Buddy questions. Although he's a big fan of the mantra "RT*M...he did answer my questions. :)
Then I got this crazy idea to do a 365 challenge. That blog is here. Rather quickly, I became aware that my little point and shoot digital was not adequate. It was great because I could put it in my pocket and take it anywhere, but Jake the basset hound, was too fast for it. Then there was the low light problem. In mid-2009, I started touring different churches in the St. Louis Archdiocese. I would take pictures of the inside church and they would be meh and blurry. (I can hear Photo Buddy right now...tripod...use a tripod...)
In June 2010, I finally caved and bought a dSLR, a Canon Rebel. (I've wanted a Rebel since forever...). And I began taking pictures all the time. Then my dissertation happened. I got too busy to take pictures everyday, let alone process them.
Now my dissertation is finished and I've graduated. I have time to take photos and process them. But I can't seem to pick up the camera. I went out with Photo Buddy this past weekend and I was totally uninspired and there was lots of meh and bleh and blah going around. This is unusual because I usually take at least 100 photos on an expedition. This is not the first time this has happened. We haven't gone out much yet this year but the times we have gone out, I haven't really wanted to take pictures. It's all meh. Yesterday there was fog, and I love fogs and I love photographing fogs but I just couldn't seem to make it work. I felt stressed instead of happy. See on Sunday, we found some snow crocuses and I felt so happy? content? not stressed? taking pictures of them.
All I want to do is take pictures of barren trees and snow. I want to take pictures of desolation and isolation. Of loneliness and disconnectedness. and in black and white.
I wonder what is wrong. Is it the depression? Is it normal in terms of creativity? Does creativity have ebb and flow? Have I reached my peak as a photographer? Do I need to do some more learning? Maybe if I improve my methods/technique? Do I need a new camera? A new lens?
All I feel is this meh.
Monday, February 6, 2012
So the answer is?
Me: Are we having dinner tomorrow night?
Mom: It's flat meat night.
Me: I don't know what that means.
Mom: It means your dad is having flat meat.
Me: All meat is flat...
Mom: Salami, bologna, you know
Me: Uhm. ok. So are we having dinner?
Mom: It's just the two of us....
Me: sigh
Mom: It's flat meat night.
Me: I don't know what that means.
Mom: It means your dad is having flat meat.
Me: All meat is flat...
Mom: Salami, bologna, you know
Me: Uhm. ok. So are we having dinner?
Mom: It's just the two of us....
Me: sigh
Lost
I have lived in St. Louis all but 5 years of my life. This morning there was fog so I headed over to Forest Park to try and take pictures of the fog before work as I work right next to Forest Park.
For some reason, I just can't find my way in the park. I got lost yet again. I spend lots of time going around in circles. I know how to get to everything from the zoo....but if I'm not at the zoo...I can't find anything. I also don't know the quick way to anything so I end up spending time going in circles.
Alas...I am slightly cheered cause there was some fog...but not good fog.
For some reason, I just can't find my way in the park. I got lost yet again. I spend lots of time going around in circles. I know how to get to everything from the zoo....but if I'm not at the zoo...I can't find anything. I also don't know the quick way to anything so I end up spending time going in circles.
Alas...I am slightly cheered cause there was some fog...but not good fog.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Grape cupcakes!
A new recipe! I had heard rumors of making cupcakes with soda, but I had a hard time finding directions. Someone posted a recipe and I gave it a shot! I used rainbow chip BTW
Slightly purple..
Not really grape flavory. Was hoping it would be grape-ier, but they are good.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thinking
Sometimes, I think I think too much. That the thoughts in my head go round and round and round and never stop.
As I was thinking about this blog post, I started wondering whether or not am I thinking about something or worrying about something. How can you tell the difference?
What am I thinking/worrying about?
As I was thinking about this blog post, I started wondering whether or not am I thinking about something or worrying about something. How can you tell the difference?
What am I thinking/worrying about?
- my job - did I say or do anything particularily stupid or inappropriate? Did I express an opinion in the wrong way or to the wrong people? Was I productive enough? Do I have a future here? Do I want to have a future here?
- my family - why does my sister refuse to talk to me? What will I be walking into when I go home? Do I stay or do I flee? Do my parents expect me to care for them in their old age? Will they move to where I live or will I be expected to stay? Am I really all that they say?
- Buddy - did he eat today? Is he doing ok? Did I say anything particularily stupid? Am I bothering him too much or not enough? How often should I remind of something or should I? How can I convince him to take me dancing?
- friends - why don't I really have any? What do I do that drives people away or keeps them from approaching?
- Should I try to publish my dissertation?
- therapy - should I go? Who should I see? How will I evade questioning by family about my whereabouts? Can I afford it? Can I not afford it?
- my time - am I being productive? What can I do to be more productive? What should I be doing instead?
- photography - why do I feel so uncreative? Why do I only want to take B&W pics of trees?
- Where is the snow?
- my health - somethings not right. I need to lose weight and exercise but how shall I accomplish this?
- What should I give up/do for Lent?
- What am I doing to do this weekend?
Round and round and round they go...where they stop, no one knows.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Susan G Komen and Planned Parenthood
I'll save my thoughts for the only health issue that is of any concern to women is breast cancer for another day.
Apparently, yesterday the Susan G Komen Foundation has decided to stop giving Planned Parenthood grants for breast exams and such because Planned Parenthood is under government investigation and it is policy of the the Foundation to not give grants to those being investigated. Which is a fine policy if you ask me.
I question why the Foundation is giving money to Planned Parenthood in the first place. If you asked me (as a previously poor, uninsured woman) where to go to get a breast exam, the answer was not (and still is not) Planned Parenthood. You go to that bus that BJC drives around to get a breast exam. Shows up on Schnucks parking lots every so often.
You go to Planned Parenthood for abortion, birth control, condoms, pregnancy testing, you know things related to parenthood.
So I've always been a little confused as to why there was funding in the first place. Although, I did serve on a board that decided where monies were going to go. There was a lot of trading going on...
UPDATE:
So I'm reading Good and see this article. I'm having some logic problems. I'm sorry, how is following your organization's policies, procedures and by-laws spineless and/or cruel? I don't follow my place of employment's policies I get fired. I don't follow my university's guidelines, I don't graduate. Then the author of the piece says that many people assume this has something to do with abortion rights...and instead of clearing that up, she goes on reinforce those assumptions. I'm also a little confused as to how donating to a fund that provides abortion helps low-income and minority women get breast exams. I'm also curious as to how many women use Planned Parenthood for all their health care needs. The article makes it seem like Planned Parenthood is the only place available in the hood. Here in St. Louis, Planned Parenthood isn't in the hood. It's in on the outskirts of one of the best neighborhoods in the city. Conveintantly close to 3 universities....Now in rural areas this may well be the case...but in urban areas..
Apparently, yesterday the Susan G Komen Foundation has decided to stop giving Planned Parenthood grants for breast exams and such because Planned Parenthood is under government investigation and it is policy of the the Foundation to not give grants to those being investigated. Which is a fine policy if you ask me.
I question why the Foundation is giving money to Planned Parenthood in the first place. If you asked me (as a previously poor, uninsured woman) where to go to get a breast exam, the answer was not (and still is not) Planned Parenthood. You go to that bus that BJC drives around to get a breast exam. Shows up on Schnucks parking lots every so often.
You go to Planned Parenthood for abortion, birth control, condoms, pregnancy testing, you know things related to parenthood.
So I've always been a little confused as to why there was funding in the first place. Although, I did serve on a board that decided where monies were going to go. There was a lot of trading going on...
UPDATE:
So I'm reading Good and see this article. I'm having some logic problems. I'm sorry, how is following your organization's policies, procedures and by-laws spineless and/or cruel? I don't follow my place of employment's policies I get fired. I don't follow my university's guidelines, I don't graduate. Then the author of the piece says that many people assume this has something to do with abortion rights...and instead of clearing that up, she goes on reinforce those assumptions. I'm also a little confused as to how donating to a fund that provides abortion helps low-income and minority women get breast exams. I'm also curious as to how many women use Planned Parenthood for all their health care needs. The article makes it seem like Planned Parenthood is the only place available in the hood. Here in St. Louis, Planned Parenthood isn't in the hood. It's in on the outskirts of one of the best neighborhoods in the city. Conveintantly close to 3 universities....Now in rural areas this may well be the case...but in urban areas..
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