Gone

Yesterday, Jake's remains were brought home.

He is well and truly gone.  There is no more denying it.

I feel horridly guilty.  I feel like I didn't spend enough time with Jake.  I could have done so much more with him.  I realized yesterday that I had never taken Jake on an Easter Egg Hunt.  I'd never gotten to take him canoeing.  (After the Boathouse incident, that is probably a good thing.)

It is just beginning to sink in how truly alone I am.  and how unloved I am.  Jake loved me unconditionally.  He loved me even more when I had food.

I am so cold inside.