This is news?

So I was reading ksdk.com to see what was on fire at lunch and I see this headline "Pope denounces pre-marital sex, cohabitation and gay marriage."

I'm a little confused.  How is this news?  I believe the Catholic Church has been denouncing those items from the beginning.

Anything not to talk about the economy or rising gas prices.

EEK!

I had a body fat analysis this morning.

That was rather frightening. 

Birds

In college, I was introduced to the delights of Tom Lehrer.  I never quite understood why anyone would want to poison the pigeons in the park.  Until I got the bedroom window with bushes in front of it.  Starting in March and ending sometime in...honestly I couldn't tell you.... the birds start their mad tweeting  at 5:30 ish.    That's am.  So instead of the half-daze I've been in for that last month at 6 when I'm up but not up, I'm awake.

tweet.  tweet.  tweet.  tweet.  TWEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Is going to be long spring.

Utterly...

bored.  I am completely bored.  I thought I was an interesting person.  Yeah no.

I thought I'd be relieved not to have a dissertation to write, not to go to night classes.  Yeah, no.

I'm bored out of my skull.

I suppose I could work on cleaning my room.  It upsets Jake to no end however.  And I need to use the living room and that just annoys my family.   Pretty much everything I do has the potential to annoy them.  It's pretty clear I need to figure out a way to move.

I think, maybe, that this is part of the reason I'm so sad.  I get up, walk Jake, go to work, come home, try to amuse myself for 4-5 hours, go to bed.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Ad Infinitum.  What is the point to all of this?

I'm tempted to sign up for classes because I'm so at a loss of what to do with myself.

My brain just spins and spins because there is nothing to distract it.  Nothing to focus on.

Wrong

Every so often, althought lately it seems more frequently, I get the overwhelming sense that I am wrong.  That the way I act and react, the way I speak, the way I dress, everything really about me is wrong.

I never seem to understand why people react to me the way they do.  I never seem to anticipate what is going to happen or their feelings or what have you.

I don't understand.  All I know is that everything about me is wrong.

Writing About Feminism

I keep trying to write about feminism.  It's not going to so well.  I have all these thoughts and can't seem to make them coherent.  But this morning, I realized something else.  I'm having a hard time writing about feminism because I am so conflicted about feminism.

Joy

One of my favorite religious authors (ok, I'll be honest, the only one I've actually read) is Father James Martin, SJ.  His latest book is called "Between Heaven and Mirth" and is about joy in the spiritual life.  It's been out for a couple of months at least.  I had started reading it, but put it aside because of my dissertation.  Then I lost the book.  I finally found it Monday and started reading it again.  I finished it tonight.

It's a great book and I really enjoyed reading it.  There is a great deal to think about and laugh at in it.

I think that is my problem.  I don't have any joy.  I shouldn't say it quite like that.  I have joy when I'm with Hiking Buddy or Drinking Buddy.  And thinking of our exploits does bring me joy.  But I have no joy generated of myself.  Or at least I can't think of any.

The best I can think of is graduation.  I was very happy.  But I don't know if that was joy or if it was relief.

Maybe I don't recognize joy.

And I after reading the book, I have to wonder if that's why I have very very few friends.  Because I have no joy and am a joy vampire.

I know joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.  I just don't seem to know how to get it, let alone express it.