One of my favorite religious authors (ok, I'll be honest, the only one I've actually read) is Father James Martin, SJ. His latest book is called "Between Heaven and Mirth" and is about joy in the spiritual life. It's been out for a couple of months at least. I had started reading it, but put it aside because of my dissertation. Then I lost the book. I finally found it Monday and started reading it again. I finished it tonight.
It's a great book and I really enjoyed reading it. There is a great deal to think about and laugh at in it.
I think that is my problem. I don't have any joy. I shouldn't say it quite like that. I have joy when I'm with Hiking Buddy or Drinking Buddy. And thinking of our exploits does bring me joy. But I have no joy generated of myself. Or at least I can't think of any.
The best I can think of is graduation. I was very happy. But I don't know if that was joy or if it was relief.
Maybe I don't recognize joy.
And I after reading the book, I have to wonder if that's why I have very very few friends. Because I have no joy and am a joy vampire.
I know joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I just don't seem to know how to get it, let alone express it.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sucks
only having 1 friend.
There are 2 concerts I want to go to but I can't convince Hiking Buddy to go with me. And I don't have anyone else to ask.
Ah well. I'm sure the concert in July will be miserable since it is outside. So I won't be missing anything.
There are 2 concerts I want to go to but I can't convince Hiking Buddy to go with me. And I don't have anyone else to ask.
Ah well. I'm sure the concert in July will be miserable since it is outside. So I won't be missing anything.
Wind
It's so windy out! I love it. I love the wind. It reminds me of the Holy Spirit. I think somewhere in the Bible it talks about the wind of the Holy Spirit. Maybe if I listen hard enough, I'll hear what God wants me to do.
I love the wind. Blowing my cares away.
and
I love the wind. Blowing my cares away.
and
It's not just me..
I have to say, this article warms my heart a bit. It's not just me.
And to the commenter that mentioned the parish school...yeah...that only works if you know you have kids. And a husband to get said kids.
And to the commenter that mentioned the parish school...yeah...that only works if you know you have kids. And a husband to get said kids.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Compliments
Last night, I begged, pleaded and bribed Mass Buddy to go to a college Mass with me as a favor to the priest who runs the CNC there. Earlier in the day, I had gone out to Mass in the middle of nowhere and saw some chocolate covered expresso beans that were multicolored. I thought Mass Buddy would like them so I got him some. I also got him Sen-Sen, the most disgusting gum ever. I could go on and on about the smell and the taste but I'll spare you. It's not so bad, only when he has more than like 3 pieces. I digress. He thanked me for being so thoughtful and later for being so generous. I just was like whatever, no big deal.
At Mass, a woman told me I had a very pretty voice and I should be singing up front or cantoring. I just kind of blinked at her and stared at Mass Buddy, who agreed with her. I think I managed to stammer out a thank you.
I was thinking of this and how I never know what to say other than to blow it off when someone pays me a compliment. I was thinking back to a couple months ago and my boss was paying me a compliment. I was like it's no big deal, whatever, blah blah blah. She was like you don't know how to take a compliment do you? I stammered and tried to apologize. She was like you didn't get a lot of compliments growing up did you? Uhm. I was told I was smart a bunch. But that was often followed by the I have no common sense line.
I've been thinking about this. I can't remember the last compliment my parents gave me. They've said that this was nice or it was ok. But it always seemed a cop-out and they were just trying to save face. I could always tell they didn't mean it.
I guess I don't know what to do in the face of compliments. I'm thinking of how I cook for Movie Buddy and he's always praising my cooking. I have a hard time believing that he likes it so much. He seems so sincere but I'm never sure. It's easier when I watch him eat it and then go for seconds, if that makes any sense. I made him coffee ice cream for Valentine's Day last year I think and he loved it so much he had it for brekkie.
I think the other problem is that I don't think it is anything special. Of course, I should do my best no matter what I am doing...otherwise why am I doing it? I think of the candy. Of course I would get my bestest friend in the whole wide candy he liked if I saw it in the store and had spare monies. Why wouldn't I?
I'm just confused by the whole thing.
At Mass, a woman told me I had a very pretty voice and I should be singing up front or cantoring. I just kind of blinked at her and stared at Mass Buddy, who agreed with her. I think I managed to stammer out a thank you.
I was thinking of this and how I never know what to say other than to blow it off when someone pays me a compliment. I was thinking back to a couple months ago and my boss was paying me a compliment. I was like it's no big deal, whatever, blah blah blah. She was like you don't know how to take a compliment do you? I stammered and tried to apologize. She was like you didn't get a lot of compliments growing up did you? Uhm. I was told I was smart a bunch. But that was often followed by the I have no common sense line.
I've been thinking about this. I can't remember the last compliment my parents gave me. They've said that this was nice or it was ok. But it always seemed a cop-out and they were just trying to save face. I could always tell they didn't mean it.
I guess I don't know what to do in the face of compliments. I'm thinking of how I cook for Movie Buddy and he's always praising my cooking. I have a hard time believing that he likes it so much. He seems so sincere but I'm never sure. It's easier when I watch him eat it and then go for seconds, if that makes any sense. I made him coffee ice cream for Valentine's Day last year I think and he loved it so much he had it for brekkie.
I think the other problem is that I don't think it is anything special. Of course, I should do my best no matter what I am doing...otherwise why am I doing it? I think of the candy. Of course I would get my bestest friend in the whole wide candy he liked if I saw it in the store and had spare monies. Why wouldn't I?
I'm just confused by the whole thing.
Friends and Social Networks
Up until about a month ago, I was pretty active on semi-obscure social network. I've essentially left it though. I've been asked why. I've been asked to come back. I've been told I'm missed.
I don't believe it. I can't believe any one would miss me.
Lately it seems as all I've been doing is whining. And no one likes a whiner and complainer. No one likes a cling-on and someone who's needy. So I stopped posting.
I had thought I had I made a friend of sorts. But then this "friend" betrayed me. I see how foolish I was to trust someone. To think that I had made another friend (bringing the total to 2!). I am so beyond hurt. I had worked so hard to tear down the walls around my heart. Now I'm working to build them back.
I don't believe it. I can't believe any one would miss me.
Lately it seems as all I've been doing is whining. And no one likes a whiner and complainer. No one likes a cling-on and someone who's needy. So I stopped posting.
I had thought I had I made a friend of sorts. But then this "friend" betrayed me. I see how foolish I was to trust someone. To think that I had made another friend (bringing the total to 2!). I am so beyond hurt. I had worked so hard to tear down the walls around my heart. Now I'm working to build them back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)